I'm pulling over because you're getting a....

In our desire to be more consistent with the discipline, we have been pulling the car off to the side of the road to address the problems that might occur when there are 4 little ones tucked in a very small space. You know how hard it is to keep your legs in front of you when they obviously fit much better draped over the passenger next to you, don't you?

Well, today we were all in the car sitting at the auto zone while the kids were joyfully listening to Toby Mac and rapping to Hype Man. I got out of the car and I opened the van door. I made sure that my face was glib and stern.

My eyes pierced each one of theirs and I said, "Okay guys...You are all getting...."

They had that "oh no, we're in big trouble" look on their faces.

"You are all getting KISSES and TICKLES because I love you so much and am so thankful for you."

I plopped my fever blister lips on theirs and tickled them like crazy. They wiggled and giggled and squirmed and squealed and kissed me right back - with fever blister and all.

It is moments like these that make parenting so much fun and certainly unforgettable. I'd much rather get out of the car for a kiss than for the other! In fact, I think I need to be more consistent with my tickles and kisses.

I'm so glad I took a moment to make them squirm.....and smile.

3 year olds have feelings, too!

Monday afternoon proved to be another eventful day in our home. As I mentioned in my previous blog, we are living in a fairly empty home right now in prep for our big move overseas. We have sold, given or thrown away most of our children's toys. They are finding themselves very entertained with sticks and rocks and a few lincoln logs; each kid has a favorite something. Avery's favorite toy is a ball that she can put in an empty container. She toddles around the house all afternoon pulling her ball in and out of the bowl. Ally is quite pleased with a purse that is loaded with stickers, pens and paper. Parker has had quite the time balancing balloons on the end of a stick and playing make-believe with his 7 stuffed animals that he has informed me ARE coming to Costa Rica. They all have names and the names are actually the same each time he tells me about them. And then there is Jaxson......his favorite toy has always been our beloved pirate ship sandbox that we have had since Parker was 1. Jaxson has not known life without this sandbox (we will attach a picture in a few days) and has spent full days outside playing in this box of dirt. It has provided him with countless memories and us with some peaceful moments. If you are highly sensitive to the emotional stress of children, you either need to a., get a box of tissues or b., don't read this because it just might break your heart.

After naptime on Monday afternoon, 2 very nice gentleman came by. John and I sold the sandbox a few weeks ago with the understanding that we would keep it until we leave as it is a favorite around here - especially with Jaxson. Well, somehow there was some miscommunication between us and John gave the go ahead for the sandbox to be picked up 3 weeks early. The good news is that Jaxson was taking a nap while the nice men came to confiscate his sandbox.

As I stood on the back patio watching them remove the sand, pack up the toys and prepare to move the box to the truck, I started to cry. Once again, I'm crying over the memories of that precious box and watching my children grow up in it. I was not crying over the box itself. I was having a hard time watching that piece of their childhood, the last remaining piece we had left, be snatched away. I usually need time to process stuff like this and, unfortunately, it all happened so quickly that I was kind of blind-sided.

So I walked to the front and watched as the last bit was loaded into the truck. All was well as I knew I'd get over my sadness when I all of a sudden I hear whaling coming from the garage. It's not uncommon for Jaxson to wake up crying or screaming so I went over to ask him what was wrong, not even thinking for a second about the sandbox.

"Don't take my sandbox!"

"That's my sandbox. I play in there all the time," he shrilled between sobs.

"Grammy got me that sand for my birthday. You can't take my sandbox!!!"

Now imagine the cutest 3 year old you've ever seen standing there in the middle of the driveway with his blanket in his hands, fresh from a nap, tears streaming down his face, pleading for his sandbox. I scooped him up in my arms and he continued to weep tears of devastation.

In his little mind, this was like death...death of a friend he has had his entire life. Why would God allow this?

His grief was a subtle, or maybe not so subtle, reminder to us that even little tots have hearts and feelings and they experience the greatest of joys and the saddest of heartbreaks - just like we do. He must have felt like I felt the night I couldn't catch my breath over my beloved ball (see my previous blog - My ball).

The next few days he was silent about the loss of his sand box. He didn't mention it again after he recovered from his meltdown.

Tonight we were at church and we saw the sweet gentleman who purchased the pirate ship.

When Jaxson's eyes met his, the first words out of his mouth were, "You took my sandbox and I want it back. Give me back my sandbox!"

My mouth certainly fell to the ground as I thought he had forgotten about his devastation - one never forgets.

In the midst of this three year old's whirlwind of grief and anger, he is well aware that God is doing great things in our hearts and in our lives. We are able, as parents, to cope with these seemingly heartbreaking moments because we know that our Lord has a plan and a hope for our lives, and for the lives we will minister to in Peru, that will blow our minds. These things seem so major momentarily, but we have to let go of this life so that we can fully store up treasure in Heaven. And we know that God created Jaxson and is daily mending his heart, wiping his tears and protecting him with a heavenly love that far exceeds anything we can offer him. We might have given him the sandbox, but God has given him His son and THAT is what will sustain him during this time of transition and for the rest of his precious little life.

Stuff

Packing your house up to move is never fun. It wasn't fun for us, either, last week as we packed up all of our belongings to help prepare for our awaiting adventures overseas. Our situation was a little bit unique in that instead of unpacking in a bigger, better, nicer, upgraded home with a pool....like most Americans do when they move, we simply moved our boxes out one by one to the front driveway and unloaded them in the yard. We were only 20 minutes into decorating our front lawn with all of our belongings when passerbys starting inquiring about all of the good stuff they were seeing. We spent the whole morning unloading and pricing our items, only to sell virtually 90% of all of our earthly possessions in less than 3 days for pennies on the dollar.

During this emotional time, we battled garage sale vultures (people who want everything for a dime - even if it is worth $300), rain, rain and more rain, and children with 104-105 fevers. Oh yeh, and did I mention my tears?

I felt really bad for this one lady who purchased several "sentimental" items from me. Each time she came to pay for what she had chosen to buy, tears would start streaming down my face. It is not the stuff I will miss, but the memories behind the stuff. Letting go of my past to pursue an unfamiliar future is, at certain moments, overwhelming for me. I so badly want to cling to all of the good moments I had with my family and my stuff. When my heart feels burdened with grief at having to "let go" I have to run to the Lord for strength and a reminder that we are doing this because we love Him and we desire to obey Him in all areas of our lives.

John and I have been talking lately about how we now own so little, but how our level of happiness and joy has increased. God is allowing us to "throw of" all that entangles and ensnares us. This is a testimony to us that temporary stuff that can be easily discarded or burned is not what truly make us happy or gives us a so called "quality of life." As long as we have our family, the promises that God has given to us for the amazing plans He has for our lives and our precious Lord, then we know that we have all that we will ever need and it's certainly not stuff that you can purchase ! Jess

just normal folks like you

With all of the constant preparation for moving our family overseas, we have heard a lot of talk lately about us being "special," "amazing," "brave," "extraordinary!" The list of wonderful adjectives we have been called, at least to our faces, has been super-flattering and enough to make our head's swell. Unfortunately, the sad reality....and this is a secret just between you and me, is that John and I (and I'm especially talking about myself when I write this) are just your normal, everyday, run-of-the mill, dirty, rotten sinners. Yep! You now know the truth. We are just your average folks who daily struggle in thought, deed, and/or actions. We get frustrated with each other, with our kids; we get stressed out; we question God; we are sometimes lazy; we can over eat, overspend, over talk, over analyze, neglect the word of God or even be prayer less. We, in our minds, are extremely under qualified to do the task that is set before us.

Just this past week (BUT NEVER BEFORE :) ), we had major behavior issues with our kids; nope, their not perfect either. We were sitting in church when one of our children came back from the bathroom with urine on their clothes (no biggie if they would've told the truth), then they lie to us about it and continue to have a bad attitude towards us over their bad choice. I'm saying "they" as to keep the anonymity of this precious lil' one. Anyway, all of this is in church! It's so hard to worship when your sitting next to a urine covered, sour-hearted, liar. But it's even harder to worship when I'm the one who needs some deep cleansing from the inside out. This cleansing comes from Christ alone.

I am no more special than any other person who has trusted Christ for the redemption of their sins. But the hope that I DO have comes from what Christ did for me on that cross. This hope enables me to sell everything I own, leave my family, friends, culture, language and life. This hope is my pathway to God as well as my future. I am reminded that when God looks at me, He doesn't see me, He sees Christ. He sees all the Glory of Heaven when His eyes gaze upon me. I recently found out (thanks, Joseph) that this is called imputed righteousness. I will never forget these words. Instead of seeing the truth of my condition, He sees all of the perfection of Christ. How awesome!

I am not able to do what God has called us to do. I am not prepared to do what God has called us to do. I am not equipped to do what God has called us to, but Christ is! We won't be doing any of this without Him. I can rest, because I know that if God can offer forgiveness through Christ, and I can receive it, then He is able to do anything in my life - even the impossible like planting churches in a foreign land where there seems to be no hope.

The truth is that we aren't extraordinary or amazing or special (my parents might not agree) and our kids are far from perfect. But our GOD IS perfect!! He is all of the things that we are not. If there is anything good in me, it is definitely God!

I write this to encourage you to dispel the myth of "perfection" about missionaries or pastors or anyone else in ministry. We are just sinners who have said "yes" to God (thanks John Evans). If there is anything attractive about us or our lives, it is the work of Him who has called us.

If God is calling you to serve him, despite your sin, will you obey? Will you heed is call? After all, the Bible is filled with amazing, extraordinary, special, and "called" heroes that were normal folks just like you and me.