3 year olds have feelings, too!

Monday afternoon proved to be another eventful day in our home. As I mentioned in my previous blog, we are living in a fairly empty home right now in prep for our big move overseas. We have sold, given or thrown away most of our children's toys. They are finding themselves very entertained with sticks and rocks and a few lincoln logs; each kid has a favorite something. Avery's favorite toy is a ball that she can put in an empty container. She toddles around the house all afternoon pulling her ball in and out of the bowl. Ally is quite pleased with a purse that is loaded with stickers, pens and paper. Parker has had quite the time balancing balloons on the end of a stick and playing make-believe with his 7 stuffed animals that he has informed me ARE coming to Costa Rica. They all have names and the names are actually the same each time he tells me about them. And then there is Jaxson......his favorite toy has always been our beloved pirate ship sandbox that we have had since Parker was 1. Jaxson has not known life without this sandbox (we will attach a picture in a few days) and has spent full days outside playing in this box of dirt. It has provided him with countless memories and us with some peaceful moments. If you are highly sensitive to the emotional stress of children, you either need to a., get a box of tissues or b., don't read this because it just might break your heart.

After naptime on Monday afternoon, 2 very nice gentleman came by. John and I sold the sandbox a few weeks ago with the understanding that we would keep it until we leave as it is a favorite around here - especially with Jaxson. Well, somehow there was some miscommunication between us and John gave the go ahead for the sandbox to be picked up 3 weeks early. The good news is that Jaxson was taking a nap while the nice men came to confiscate his sandbox.

As I stood on the back patio watching them remove the sand, pack up the toys and prepare to move the box to the truck, I started to cry. Once again, I'm crying over the memories of that precious box and watching my children grow up in it. I was not crying over the box itself. I was having a hard time watching that piece of their childhood, the last remaining piece we had left, be snatched away. I usually need time to process stuff like this and, unfortunately, it all happened so quickly that I was kind of blind-sided.

So I walked to the front and watched as the last bit was loaded into the truck. All was well as I knew I'd get over my sadness when I all of a sudden I hear whaling coming from the garage. It's not uncommon for Jaxson to wake up crying or screaming so I went over to ask him what was wrong, not even thinking for a second about the sandbox.

"Don't take my sandbox!"

"That's my sandbox. I play in there all the time," he shrilled between sobs.

"Grammy got me that sand for my birthday. You can't take my sandbox!!!"

Now imagine the cutest 3 year old you've ever seen standing there in the middle of the driveway with his blanket in his hands, fresh from a nap, tears streaming down his face, pleading for his sandbox. I scooped him up in my arms and he continued to weep tears of devastation.

In his little mind, this was like death...death of a friend he has had his entire life. Why would God allow this?

His grief was a subtle, or maybe not so subtle, reminder to us that even little tots have hearts and feelings and they experience the greatest of joys and the saddest of heartbreaks - just like we do. He must have felt like I felt the night I couldn't catch my breath over my beloved ball (see my previous blog - My ball).

The next few days he was silent about the loss of his sand box. He didn't mention it again after he recovered from his meltdown.

Tonight we were at church and we saw the sweet gentleman who purchased the pirate ship.

When Jaxson's eyes met his, the first words out of his mouth were, "You took my sandbox and I want it back. Give me back my sandbox!"

My mouth certainly fell to the ground as I thought he had forgotten about his devastation - one never forgets.

In the midst of this three year old's whirlwind of grief and anger, he is well aware that God is doing great things in our hearts and in our lives. We are able, as parents, to cope with these seemingly heartbreaking moments because we know that our Lord has a plan and a hope for our lives, and for the lives we will minister to in Peru, that will blow our minds. These things seem so major momentarily, but we have to let go of this life so that we can fully store up treasure in Heaven. And we know that God created Jaxson and is daily mending his heart, wiping his tears and protecting him with a heavenly love that far exceeds anything we can offer him. We might have given him the sandbox, but God has given him His son and THAT is what will sustain him during this time of transition and for the rest of his precious little life.