While I was growing up I was literally in a pit - to say the least. I had no self-esteem, self-worth or hope. I was depressed, angry and suicidal all rolled into one. I use to feel that my life was one big mound of dirt that was going to topple over any minute. If even one more speck of sand was placed onto it (any difficulty in life), I felt that there would be a dirt-pile avalanche and I certainly would not survive it.
My how things have changed!!!!!!
This week the Lord so gently and graciously reminded me of who I was, or the condition I was in, before He came to pull me out of the pit that was my life. For a long, long time now I have been silent about my upbringing and the baggage that I collected along the way. The enemy made me feel that I should be embarrassed and ashamed of where I came from. Once again, he was spouting lies, lies and more lies. God showed me this week that "I am much better healed than I am well." (thanks Beth Moore).
God wants me to revel in where I came from so that His face can be shown brightly in my life. If you don't know where I've been, then who God has made me to be and where I'm going don't seem so amazing.
But once you find out that my childhood was plagued with promiscuous caretakers, drugs and alcohol (I use to watch Cocaine being snorted and I was a frequent on drug deals and overnight drug parties) you can see that God's hand has been on my life since the very beggining. Add to that drama, the constant mental abuse and parental neglect! At a very young age, my 2nd cousin decided he was going to molest me with his hands. Nice!! When I told some relatives about it they didn't do or say anything. I was very angry about this. My parents have been married 6 times between the two of them and I was tossed around more times than a hot potato. I can tell you story after story of negative things that I experienced in my childhood, but that is not what is important anymore. What is important is that you know that my life was once a black abyss that I wanted to die in.
And then came Jesus Christ.
When I was in college a dear woman decided that she wanted to do Bible study with me each week. She sat me down and literally held my hand as we walked through 1st and 2nd Peter. I would share with her all of the turmoil of my life and one day she asked me if I had "the deep abiding peace that came from knowing Jesus Christ."
Ugh.....no!
I looked at her and desperately wanted to say yes, but I had no idea what she was talking about. She continued to teach me and pray for me. I went home and continued to chase hard after God in His word. Finally, I realized that I needed to seek God through Jesus Christ. I came to a deep faith in God as I accepted what Jesus did for me on that cross. I accepted the depth of His love and His sacrifice. After all, he offered me a love that I had never received from earthly parents. The Bible taught me that the only way to God is through Jesus Christ and that He alone is THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE!!!! I decided that I wanted to go HIS way, walk in HIS Truth, and have HIS life.
That was the single most important decision I have ever made.
God quickly showed me the need to forgive my parents for the things that happened to me growing up. After all, His son forgave and continues to forgive my daily sins. That forgiveness was the first step in the healing process. God slowly, but steadily pulled me out of the pit and changed my heart from one of despair to one of hope. He renewed my desire for life and gave me a joy that helped me to face everyday instead of wanting to end my life. He turned the bitterness that once radiated from my tongue, into a tongue of peace and healing. Time did not heal my wounds - CHRIST DID!!!!
God has redeemed my life from the pit!!!! I am no longer going to be ashamed of where God brought me out of. What others meant for evil, He meant for good! :)
If you feel that your life is in a pit, I pray that you will turn to Jesus Christ! He, too, wants to redeem your life. Only He can do this for you.
Thank you, Lord, for where I came from. I am so thankful you rescued me and I praise you for the healing you have done in my heart. It is a work that only you can do!
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Life in Virginia.......
Things are going amazing here in Richmond as we get adjusted to quad life, school life and hyper-spiritual mode all at one time. We are learning tons everyday. Our minds and hearts are being filled with God's Word every session.
Since time is very limited and creativity takes time, here are some highlights of our time here:
1. We thought most of our classes would be based on theory or principle. Instead, everything that is taught to us is taught directly out of scripture. It has been amazing and challenging to be devouring the word in every class.
2. Last week we were required to have a 3 hour retreat of silence. Yes, 3 hours....As a mom, carving out this kind of time in silence is like impossible. However, they allowed us this time to focus on the Lord and His ways. We all came back together and shared what God had taught us. For both of us, it was a very powerful time of fellowship with Jesus.
3. We are having church in our Quad with 4 other families and our children. Actually, our children get to stay with us which is very nice. There are 8 children in our quad so we experienced fellowship with lots of little ones joining us. What a blessing it was. This "home" church experience (which is very similar to the types of churches we will be planting) is showing us that you don't need a fancy building, people who are great at playing instruments or singing, or even a lot of people to worship the Lord and have a church service. We truly had an intimate hour and half of worship and teaching in our small quad with 8 adults and 8 children. It was definitely a testimony to us that more isn't always "better."
4. Some spiritual issues we are being challenged in are:
Being a servant leader
Spiritual Warfare
Walking in the Flesh
Having Sound Doctrine
Each topic has brought conviction, repentance and renewal in both of our lives.
We are both growing daily in relationship with the Lord and our knowledge of the Holy Scriptures.
Also, the kids are thriving in their classes here and the situation has been without incident.
The only bummer here is that we do miss our friends dearly! Our hearts are glad to be here, but we do wait for the day we can see our loved ones again.
Well, time is limited and I must pick the kids up from their classes. Love and hugs to you all.
Things are going amazing here in Richmond as we get adjusted to quad life, school life and hyper-spiritual mode all at one time. We are learning tons everyday. Our minds and hearts are being filled with God's Word every session.
Since time is very limited and creativity takes time, here are some highlights of our time here:
1. We thought most of our classes would be based on theory or principle. Instead, everything that is taught to us is taught directly out of scripture. It has been amazing and challenging to be devouring the word in every class.
2. Last week we were required to have a 3 hour retreat of silence. Yes, 3 hours....As a mom, carving out this kind of time in silence is like impossible. However, they allowed us this time to focus on the Lord and His ways. We all came back together and shared what God had taught us. For both of us, it was a very powerful time of fellowship with Jesus.
3. We are having church in our Quad with 4 other families and our children. Actually, our children get to stay with us which is very nice. There are 8 children in our quad so we experienced fellowship with lots of little ones joining us. What a blessing it was. This "home" church experience (which is very similar to the types of churches we will be planting) is showing us that you don't need a fancy building, people who are great at playing instruments or singing, or even a lot of people to worship the Lord and have a church service. We truly had an intimate hour and half of worship and teaching in our small quad with 8 adults and 8 children. It was definitely a testimony to us that more isn't always "better."
4. Some spiritual issues we are being challenged in are:
Being a servant leader
Spiritual Warfare
Walking in the Flesh
Having Sound Doctrine
Each topic has brought conviction, repentance and renewal in both of our lives.
We are both growing daily in relationship with the Lord and our knowledge of the Holy Scriptures.
Also, the kids are thriving in their classes here and the situation has been without incident.
The only bummer here is that we do miss our friends dearly! Our hearts are glad to be here, but we do wait for the day we can see our loved ones again.
Well, time is limited and I must pick the kids up from their classes. Love and hugs to you all.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Quad life and settling in
WOW!!!!
We are finally here in Richmond, Virginia getting settled into our quad for 8 weeks of intense church-planting and evangelism training. After living at my dad’s for almost a month in 2 small rooms with 6 people and 18 pieces of luggage, this 900 sq. foot quad seems huge. We are so thankful to have our own dressers and to be sharing a bed again.
If you want to send anything to us while we are are our address is:
International Learning Center
John and Jessica Pham
Quad 7C
16492 MLC Lane
Rockville, VA 23146
4073612042
*********
Things we have successfully transitioned through recently:
The sale of our home, saying good-bye to our church friends and family, moving in with my dad, living out of luggage and now starting a temporary life here in Virginia.
The kids are doing wonderful. They are so very happy here. In fact, our Quad has another homeschooling family with 4 kids and she is pregnant with her 5th. They range in age from 13-3 years old and they are all such darlings. It’s so much fun to have them across the hall and they get along with our kids really well – even despite the age differences. This family will be in Costa Rica with us for a year and then they will live 3 hours away from us in Peru so what a blessing we to have to look forward too.
We start our intensive training on Monday and the kids start their training/schooling. Please pray hard, hard, hard as this is the first time they have not been under my care for an extended period of time. I think it will be harder for me than for them. I am wrestling with this daily, but I keep having to give it to the Lord. I take it back and then I give it back to him again. Please pray for this situation if you can. My heart is very tender in regards to this.
God has been extremely gracious to us during this last month. I thought I would be an emotional wreck, but the peace and strength that I have had can only come from God. John and I are still pinching ourselves as we can’t believe we’re really doing this and we’re really here. God has been orchestrating this plan for our lives from the very beginning and now he is enabling to walk this journey in peace, comfort and strength. It is so satisfying.
Letting go of our old life proved challenging for me at times because it was familiar. Things that I didn’t necessarily want to let go of are turning out to be even better here or better during this process. God is giving me more, in certain areas, than I had before. Our life feels very full and abundant.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. We miss you and love you and will write more as soon as the ball gets rolling. - Jess
We are finally here in Richmond, Virginia getting settled into our quad for 8 weeks of intense church-planting and evangelism training. After living at my dad’s for almost a month in 2 small rooms with 6 people and 18 pieces of luggage, this 900 sq. foot quad seems huge. We are so thankful to have our own dressers and to be sharing a bed again.
If you want to send anything to us while we are are our address is:
International Learning Center
John and Jessica Pham
Quad 7C
16492 MLC Lane
Rockville, VA 23146
4073612042
*********
Things we have successfully transitioned through recently:
The sale of our home, saying good-bye to our church friends and family, moving in with my dad, living out of luggage and now starting a temporary life here in Virginia.
The kids are doing wonderful. They are so very happy here. In fact, our Quad has another homeschooling family with 4 kids and she is pregnant with her 5th. They range in age from 13-3 years old and they are all such darlings. It’s so much fun to have them across the hall and they get along with our kids really well – even despite the age differences. This family will be in Costa Rica with us for a year and then they will live 3 hours away from us in Peru so what a blessing we to have to look forward too.
We start our intensive training on Monday and the kids start their training/schooling. Please pray hard, hard, hard as this is the first time they have not been under my care for an extended period of time. I think it will be harder for me than for them. I am wrestling with this daily, but I keep having to give it to the Lord. I take it back and then I give it back to him again. Please pray for this situation if you can. My heart is very tender in regards to this.
God has been extremely gracious to us during this last month. I thought I would be an emotional wreck, but the peace and strength that I have had can only come from God. John and I are still pinching ourselves as we can’t believe we’re really doing this and we’re really here. God has been orchestrating this plan for our lives from the very beginning and now he is enabling to walk this journey in peace, comfort and strength. It is so satisfying.
Letting go of our old life proved challenging for me at times because it was familiar. Things that I didn’t necessarily want to let go of are turning out to be even better here or better during this process. God is giving me more, in certain areas, than I had before. Our life feels very full and abundant.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. We miss you and love you and will write more as soon as the ball gets rolling. - Jess
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