Life Outside of the Pit

While I was growing up I was literally in a pit - to say the least. I had no self-esteem, self-worth or hope. I was depressed, angry and suicidal all rolled into one. I use to feel that my life was one big mound of dirt that was going to topple over any minute. If even one more speck of sand was placed onto it (any difficulty in life), I felt that there would be a dirt-pile avalanche and I certainly would not survive it.

My how things have changed!!!!!!

This week the Lord so gently and graciously reminded me of who I was, or the condition I was in, before He came to pull me out of the pit that was my life. For a long, long time now I have been silent about my upbringing and the baggage that I collected along the way. The enemy made me feel that I should be embarrassed and ashamed of where I came from. Once again, he was spouting lies, lies and more lies. God showed me this week that "I am much better healed than I am well." (thanks Beth Moore).

God wants me to revel in where I came from so that His face can be shown brightly in my life. If you don't know where I've been, then who God has made me to be and where I'm going don't seem so amazing.

But once you find out that my childhood was plagued with promiscuous caretakers, drugs and alcohol (I use to watch Cocaine being snorted and I was a frequent on drug deals and overnight drug parties) you can see that God's hand has been on my life since the very beggining. Add to that drama, the constant mental abuse and parental neglect! At a very young age, my 2nd cousin decided he was going to molest me with his hands. Nice!! When I told some relatives about it they didn't do or say anything. I was very angry about this. My parents have been married 6 times between the two of them and I was tossed around more times than a hot potato. I can tell you story after story of negative things that I experienced in my childhood, but that is not what is important anymore. What is important is that you know that my life was once a black abyss that I wanted to die in.

And then came Jesus Christ.

When I was in college a dear woman decided that she wanted to do Bible study with me each week. She sat me down and literally held my hand as we walked through 1st and 2nd Peter. I would share with her all of the turmoil of my life and one day she asked me if I had "the deep abiding peace that came from knowing Jesus Christ."

Ugh.....no!

I looked at her and desperately wanted to say yes, but I had no idea what she was talking about. She continued to teach me and pray for me. I went home and continued to chase hard after God in His word. Finally, I realized that I needed to seek God through Jesus Christ. I came to a deep faith in God as I accepted what Jesus did for me on that cross. I accepted the depth of His love and His sacrifice. After all, he offered me a love that I had never received from earthly parents. The Bible taught me that the only way to God is through Jesus Christ and that He alone is THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE!!!! I decided that I wanted to go HIS way, walk in HIS Truth, and have HIS life.

That was the single most important decision I have ever made.

God quickly showed me the need to forgive my parents for the things that happened to me growing up. After all, His son forgave and continues to forgive my daily sins. That forgiveness was the first step in the healing process. God slowly, but steadily pulled me out of the pit and changed my heart from one of despair to one of hope. He renewed my desire for life and gave me a joy that helped me to face everyday instead of wanting to end my life. He turned the bitterness that once radiated from my tongue, into a tongue of peace and healing. Time did not heal my wounds - CHRIST DID!!!!

God has redeemed my life from the pit!!!! I am no longer going to be ashamed of where God brought me out of. What others meant for evil, He meant for good! :)

If you feel that your life is in a pit, I pray that you will turn to Jesus Christ! He, too, wants to redeem your life. Only He can do this for you.

Thank you, Lord, for where I came from. I am so thankful you rescued me and I praise you for the healing you have done in my heart. It is a work that only you can do!