First Steps

This past weekend, my precious baby Miles turned 11 months old. In just a few short weeks we will be celebrating his first year of life.

He has taken a few steps here and there and should be running circles around us in no time at all. He is still the sweetest little guy. He weighs about 26 pounds and loves to eat, eat, eat. His sister, Ally, is his favorite sibling. She is like a 2nd mom. He is definitely a daddy's boy and he is sad when all the kids are gone. His skin is still acting up, but we are trying to get it under control with new medication. Honestly, if I searched for something negative to say about him, I would not be able to come up with one thing. To us, he is perfect in every single way.

I am looking forward to celebrating Mile's birthday on September 28th. Here is a picture of him the night he took his first steps.

Only God Knows

We almost did something permanent in regards to "bearing" more children. God blocked it on three accounts. On the third account I said, "Okay, God....what do you have planned for our family?"

Our plans are to not have anymore children. But I wonder what God's plans for our family are? I can't wait to see. Lately I have been feeling like there is one more little girl missing from our family. It started a few months back and has only gotten stronger. The problem is that I do not ever want to be pregnant again, but yet it seems as if someone is missing from the Phams. When I talk with John about "our next baby" or "being pregnant again" he doesn't say anything to the contrary or anything negative. That is odd, too! So at this point, only God knows. And it's interesting that that is enough for me with "family planning" but it's not with COlombia or Peru (see previous post). I hope that "Only God Knows" can be enough in all areas of my life. I don't need to know the answers or plan everything out. I just need to trust and walk in faith; for me...so much easier said than done.

By the way, if we have another little girl, her name will be Alani Bella.

Colombia or Peru???

AAfter almost two weeks of having my blog shut down completely, I opened it back up because I'm just not me without my blog. It is an extension of me and an outlet. I am not advertising that it's open or open to the public, so at this point I have no readers. But that's fine because I am doing it for me.

Being back in the states was hard for the first two weeks. Now it is incredible on all levels. I have gotten into a good schedule with the kids, exercise, church, friends and family. My heart already feels sadness about returning to Lima. Here I feel so alive and happy and like my old self. I am constantly smiling and just refreshed. In Lima I sit around and mostly feel down and yuk!

God has a place for us to serve next, but we are confused as to where that would be. Our flesh clouds our judgement on many levels. We would love to stay in Lima so that we don't have to move, leave such a great house and school. We would not like to go to Colombia because Colombia means more change and transition and that equals YUK!!!! But Colombia possibly has people that God wants us to reach. Lima is pretty much reached, but there is a work we can do there as well, but not the kind of work we feel passionate about. But does the work we feel passionate about exist in Colombia as well or is it only available in in Asia or the Middle East where Christ is not known? And if we moved to one of those countries then we are talking about starting at ground zero again. Why can't I just be up for that? Why not just throw caution to the wind and start a new life ALL over again (yet again) with a different language, culture, values, etc...?? I wish I could be so brave. I feel like the missionaries in the East are REAL missionaries and we are just phonies taking the easy way out. But nonetheless, we need an answer...Colombia or Peru??? Only God knows. He's just not telling us yet.

I'm still alive, just very tired and too busy. I do miss my slow life in Peru.

The novelty of Wal-mart has worn off.

John and I are heading out bright and early for our Dominican vacation. :) See you when I get back!!!

Any readers left?

I have probably lost ALL of my readers by this point. I am going to start chronicalling (spelling) my thoughts about Stateside to help me debrief and process all of this. There are so many things in my heart and mind and I wonder if anyone else has ever felt the same. Maybe if I have it in writing, one day God can use it to help someone else who is in similar shoes.

The past month of my life has been a whirlwind. It went from packing up, saying goodbye to friends, hosting a mission team, flying here, settling into the house in less than 24 hours, packing up again and going to stay out with John's family in a timeshare on Disney property, 2 days with them out there, coming home and unpacking and then driving an hour each way for three more days to be with John's family in Deland while his sisters and mom were here. By the time we pulled out on Friday night from her house, at 10 p.m., I literally cried ALL the way home and had a huge meltdown. I guess I had been bottling everything inside of me and just putting on a "I'm fine, everything is great. I'm so happy to be back in the states," face. I was also beyond exhausted. Seriously, it was inconceivable how tired I was and still am from the enormous amount of activity and huge life changes we have just experienced.

It might seem like I have a lot of energy and go, go, go, but the truth is that I need about 10 hours of sleep a night, cannot have too much activity every day and need lots of "margin" in my life. The need for margin became so apparent as we were just hustling from one thing to the next. And don't even get me started on my kid's behavior through all of this. Actually, their behavior is fine, it's just that they have lost their manners and some of the fundamentals we have taught them. But they are transitioning as well, so I have a lot of grace for them.

Here are some things I would like to post about in the next few days:

My new itty-bitty, tiny nose-ring. (No negative opinions please. It's already done and I have no conviction about it).
God's awesome provisions!!!!
The sadness I have felt being here in the States and how transitioning to a new place is hard, no matter where it is.
Looking like a complete moron in public because I don't know how things are done here anymore.
My thoughts about my first term.
Running Club!
Materialism and how I am responding different than I thought I would.

Well, it's late and I want to read a cookbook my aunt is letting me borrow - 1,400 Best Slow Cook Recipes. Yummy!