Below are previous journal entries that we had in our personal journal that led up to the point where we are at now. It may give you a clearer picture of our hearts, vision and calling. If you don't have much time, scroll to the bottom and June 10, 2006 is a must read. It answers a lot of questions as to "why go?" Please excuse the typos and fragmented thoughts. These were written in my own journal, never intended for a blog. But I wanted everything in one spot.
So All May Hear - John.
February 19, 2007
We are called to make disciples of all nations. Not to evangelize all nations. If we go into a country or area and see 200 people come to Christ, but make no plans for discipleship afterwards, then we are guilty of being negligent spiritual parents. No less negligent than if we bring a child into the world and just leave it to feed and take care of itself. This is why Jesus used the term “make disciples”. We are coming up on another Andre Kole illusionist emphasis. But how many of the 80-100 people that got saved last year can we locate or say they are growing children in God’s family? I hope we can say at least half. How many are participating, growing members of our congregation? If we lead someone to a saving faith in Jesus, but leave them to there own, that will only lead to their frustration, bitterness and apathy in the future.
JOHN
February 17, 2007
It’s here. Time to start counting the cost of going. But literally the cost of all the things we will be selling for pennies on the dollar. Things that we have labored to purchase. Things that family has given us. Things that are precious to us, but not necessarily in monetary value. This is hard for Jessica and I because we are so cheap. In fact, today Jessica decided not to throw away the
salminilla contaminated Peter Pan peanut butter. It
wasn’t even like it was a full jar, it was half empty.
Parker has wet the bed three nights in a row. It may be because of the transition that we are going through. He is the one that understands the most, so he is the most affected.
God has given me a vision that we are not to just raise up supporters, but instead mobilize partners that will join us in the harvest once we have gone on ahead of them to plow.
February 10, 2007
Everything familiar is being stripped away from us. Country, culture, customs, language, friend, family, possessions, luxuries, conveniences, home, furniture, etc.
February 9, 2007
My last day of work. God provided an offer on our house. Not just one but two offers. The couple that we signed with are a young couple. Just the type of people we want to sell to. They need our washer and dryer and fridge. Their lease ends at the end of April and we leave at the end of April. How perfect. I prayed God would provide a buyer within a month. He did. Every other home around is for sale. God is so faithful.
We received our package with our Rosetta Stone CD’s. But they also sent “Truth Encounter”. The same book Jessica and I have been wanting to buy about Catholicism. God is so faithful.
February 8, 2007
Are we willing to die for the calling? Jessica has said yes. When our life and possessions are in 18 suitcases, heaven looks goods. Do we believe heaven is a promotion? Not when we get so comfortable with this world and our lifestyle. Do we truly believe there is a heaven?
February 6, 2007
After Jessica says “Satan bring it on,” Jessica gets sick, Allyson has
synevitus, Avery falls of the patio bench. The key phrase from now on is “Good missionary training.” For so long we have said that but, now it really applies.
February 5, 2007
How do we decide what to give away, sell or store? The towels for my mom. We gave the Edward's family
Jaxson’s monkey towel and he cried so hard. He
doesn’t understand. You don’t realize how important things are until you have to get rid of them. The “Dog Story” has begun.
January 27-February 3, 2007 Appointment Week
Sanford and Mary (Missionary Appointees) – Sanford was saved when a missionary from Memphis came to India. He met Mary, who’s family have been Christians for 100 years. Now he goes to spread the Gospel that was presented to him.
Reaksa’s (Missionary Appointee) Mother-in-Law – Jerry Rankin and all of us prayed that his Buddhist mother-in-law would come to Christ. A few years ago, he and his wife we not even allowed to say the name of Jesus around the mother-in-law. After their trustee meeting, one of the trustees came to the hotel room and witnessed to the mother. She gave her life to the Lord.
We found out that we would not have a car in Costa Rica. What do we trust in? The car seat or God? We are called to Peru, and if that is what it takes, then it is God’s best for us. Whoever said our children would be safe? God does not promise safety.
Gordon Fort – That all will hear. We are ushering in the coming of Christ. Christians in India are taught what to say when they are martyred right after they are baptized. “You do not take my life, I lay it down as my Savior Jesus laid down His life for my sins.”
Dinner with
Rankins and
Meadors. Truly inspiring evening.
Trustee meeting was so encouraging. No questions, just affirmation, wisdom and prayer.
Ceremony rehearsal. 75% of people
didn’t know their lines, messed up or just read it off the paper. But at the actual ceremony, no one even stumbled or faltered.
Appointment ceremony. Parker, mom and
Dao were sick. What a disaster. The ceremony was amazing. We felt so honored.
Plane ride home. Avery threw up 2 times and had diarrhea. Went through two outfits. She went home in just a diaper. Jessica threw up several times on the plane. John got sick. Next morning, Allyson’s leg would not straighten out. Jessica took her to the emergency room.
Let the Nations Be Glad – John Piper
Doing Missions When Dying is Gain – John Piper
August 6, 2006
Yesterday we realized that Satan totally wants to paralyze us with fear so we will be ineffective in ministering in Lima.
August 4, 2006
St. Thomas Trip was amazing.
Shared the gospel with Patty on the plane. People behind came up to me at baggage claim and told me I did a good job presenting the gospel. But I
didn’t. I realize now the importance of making people realize their need for salvation as a result of their sin.
Almost drown
Jessica cliff diving made me realize that she would be
ok.
July 26, 2006
So I guess God is not done testing our commitment to go overseas. Monday, Jessica reads the article about the escalating violence against women in Peru and more specifically in Lima. And even more specifically in South Lima. Coincident? OK, there are 193 countries in the world, and this article comes out about the one only country we are going to. And not only the country that we are going to, but more specifically we are going to South Lima, home of the most indigent of poor, and according to the article, home of the highest rate of violence in all of Peru (and apparently the world). Ultimately, we know we are under the protection of the Almighty. As Jessica and I were reminded today from a wise friend, if we are to live holy lives, fully consecrated to God, we cannot pick and choose what areas of our live we choose to be holy in. It is all of our selves or nothing. So also, if we are fully consecrated bond servants of the Most High God, we do not have the choice of where He calls us to be. We go where he leads.
July 24, 2006
Are we truly kingdom minded. I heard the radio
dj this morning talk about brain cancer and some current technology. It made me pause to wonder, if I only had 3 months to live, what would I do. Thoughts of travel, food and entertainment came to mind. What comes to your mind? But let’s see if we are truly kingdom minded people. If I only have 3 months to live, then if I believe in heaven, then I will only be 3 months away from paradise. Not death, but paradise. It makes us assess how much we truly believe that heaven exists and is a much better place than this world. Also, if I only have 3 months to live, why spend it on the temporary, like travel, food, entertainment or stuff. In 3 months, it will all pass away. I will not be in heaven regretting that I never made it to Europe, or never got that car I always wanted. If we are truly kingdom minded then our first thoughts should be to sell all of our worldly possessions and tell everyone about Jesus that we can. Friends, family, co-workers, grocery clerks. Out the window goes our fears about what people will think or what friends we will lose. We will be dead in 3 months, who cares what they think. If we are truly kingdom minded, we should want to spend those last days taking as many people to eternity as possible. The most kingdom minded statement that I ever heard was from the movie “End of the Spear”. “They are not ready to go to heaven but we are.” From the same group of men that Jim Elliot was with. He wrote, “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”
July 16, 2006
We have had many blessings since we have made our commitment to missions. The trip to St. Thomas, the airfare to St. Thomas, the charter boat tour.
July 14, 2006
Today Jessica told me that a close friend, when he received our support letter, handed a check to his wife and said, “Who should I make this check out to?” She looked at the check and it was the whole amount of our Peru trip need. He thought we were asking him for $2600. But thinking about it, and what he his first thoughts were when he read the check. “They are asking me for $2600… well, if that is what they need, then that is what I will give.” His wife let him know that people typically only give a portion in support, but now THAT is
availability. More so than I think I would ever be. They did support us, but allowed room for others to bless us.
July 13, 2006
Many trials have come our way since we decided to take God’s hand and walk down this road. They are all in preparation for what is to come. Here they are:
Purse stolen in
Publix after we had both been contemplating going to an unsafe country. God reminded us we are only safe under his protection. It is not our location that makes us safe.
House falling through over and over again. We closed on the house with no updated, signed contract.
Pantry becomes filled with
Weavels.
Jessica’s tooth cracks after the dentist finally fixes her tooth. 3 appointments into it and he is at the final stage and he proclaims that they will have to start all over again.
Jessica’s bladder does not empty fully and has chronic infections.
Of all of our supporters for our trip, none of them are close friends with the exception of John E. and Janey N.
July 12, 2006
Jesus
doesn’t want to just be in the back seat for the ride, while we drive the car and just call for Him when we need Him. If Jesus can’t drive, He won’t ride.
Jessica and I are too flawed to be missionaries. We don’t fit the mold of what a missionary should be. But that is just wrong thinking and poor theology and a small view of God. God can and will use anyone to further His kingdom and bring Him glory. If everyone needed to be perfect to serve God, then no one would serve. If everyone had to be perfect to be a missionary, then there would be an unreached world. God just wants availability, not perfection. He wants to know you are willing, not well. He will fill the voids, He will cover the imperfections. After all, He knows what He is doing and His will and purpose will be accomplished despite our mistakes. But if no one goes, there is no harvest. God would rather have a one armed man working a hoe in the fields, than no one in the fields. NO ONE ELSE is stepping up the plate. If God would prefer that someone else go, then send them, but in the meantime, we are willing to go and He will equip us to bring Him glory.
God
doesn’t want us to be fully transformed before we go. We are never going to be fully transformed until we are in heaven. Maybe instead of being changed before we go, God has purposed that we will be changed when and because we are there.
We don’t know what Paul, David, Peter and Moses were like in their hearts. We know they were available and
moldable. We know they
weren’t perfect. We even know their past mistakes. But we also know that God, not themselves, but God through the Holy Spirit used them, despite their imperfections. What will be our “Yes” to God.
Sure it is easy to fly under the radar and have no one notice our flaws. It is easy to just plop down in the back pew every Sunday and never say a word. But we will never make a difference until we put ourselves in the fire and are stretched. The kingdom is not expanded because we are quiet and unnoticed.
But Janey
Neiboer, in all of her wisdom, reminded us that all this is happening for a reason. God is allowing this to happen for His glory. We just need to find how He can be glorified, through it all. Not how we can be benefited, but how He can be glorified. We need to move beyond seeing things solely for just how it affects
us. Instead we need to look how things will bring Him glory. Our lives are about His glory.
As everyday progresses and Jessica faces more struggles, I am certain that this is totally God stretching her. He has lately realized how far she has come in certain situations based on her reaction as opposed to her reactions in the past. God is bringing Jessica to a point where the normal or extraordinary struggles and trials of everyday life here in the states will seem minor when we are on the field. Just like training for a marathon. In the beginning, running 3 miles is tough and painful. But as you train and stretch yourself beyond the norm, 3 miles becomes 4, then 5, 6, 7 then 12 then 24. Then looking back, the 3 miles that seemed so hard is now a no trouble at all.
July 11, 2006
Pursuit of Holiness (Preface): A farmer is dependent on outside forces. The farmer cannot do what God must do and God will not do what the farmer should do.
Jessica has been having the toughest time with the pressures of keeping up with all of the paperwork. The devil is in the details. Then today Jessica went for her second dentist appointment to get her porcelain filling and it while in the chair. No she has to go back for two more appointments and start all over. She has been having the hardest time making doctor’s appointments. But God is allowing this all to happen for a reason.
July 10, 2006
What is our “Yes” to God. Look at Gideon (Judges 6). 185,000 soldiers against 300 of God’s chosen. To man, the plan was foolishness. But the ways of God are foolishness to a lost world. It is even foolishness to those Christians who have the worlds perspective and not the eternal perspective. Example is giving up $80K with 3 kids, but even more foolish is to give up $120 with 4 kids, the comfort and the prestige that goes along. Some may say that was God’s reward for being faithful. But our “territory” does not always equate to expansion of our bank accounts or expansion of our homes or expansion of vehicle pool. Our “territory” and “sphere of influence for the kingdom territory” may just be expanded by a reduction of our bank accounts and a reduction of our house square footage and a downgrade of our mode of transportation. We lose site that our territory is all about His territory. It’s all about expanding His kingdom. It’s all about expanding His glory.
He has a plan that is beyond our comprehension. We are not ready to see the whole picture. We would freak out and run screaming if He showed us the end now. His next step for you may not be the most logical. It may be counterculture. It may be foolishness to even those around you. But if God has clearly called you to it and it lines up with the word of God, then you must follow. If He say sit, sit. If He says stand, stand. If He says sell all of your possession and follow Him. You have a choice. If He says to save your life you must lose it, you have a choice. If He says you must take up you cross, you have a choice.
The harder the choice the greater the victory on the other side. The longer the journey, the sweeter the promised land.
What is your “Yes” to God to expand “His territory”. It may require you to give up your job, your home, your salary, your career, your friends, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your television, your pornography, your comfort, your sleep, your computer, your hobbies, your insecurities, your worries, your pessimism, your logic.
I believe there are many here that are on the verge on something great in their lives. God is just waiting for them to follow Him down a path that
isn’t always comfortable, but it is always where He is. God will not make something great out of something that you can take the credit for. God wants the glory. If you want to see something amazing happen in your life, then we need to get out of the way and give our lives to God and watch Him do what he does best. If we can do it, what’s so miraculous about that. Lost people can do human stuff. But only God and do supernatural things.
But if this sounds like foolishness to you, then you may be one of the lost ones.
July 3, 2006
Patience on waiting for God. James 5:7-9. Adversity. Farming demands patience. You must wait on the seed that is sown to produce the crop is developed. A farmer
doesn’t just sit and waits with his hands in his pockets. He prepares the ground and sows the seed. But he must wait on the rain from the Lord. If God sends the rain but the ground is not prepared and seeds sown, then there will be no harvest. Being patient
doesn’t mean being passive. In a trial, we need to ask ourselves if we are doing everything we are required to do. We are to strengthen our heart. We must strengthen ourselves spiritually to prepare ourselves for the external trials that are to come. So when the trial hits us, it demolishes us. That’s why Jesus told Mary and Martha that Mary was doing the better thing. Spending time with Jesus to strengthen her heart for the days to come.
Do not complain. Watch what you say when you are going through a trial. God is at the door listening to us. Do we have kids that throw a tantrum when they don’t get what they want. We as adults complain, in hopes that a tantrum will get God to do what we want him to do. If we spent more time praising than complaining, we would get out of our trials faster. The trial is there to test and strengthen a weak spot in our spiritual lives. God may not take you out of the trial, but may join you in the trial. Just as Daniel was not spared from the lions den, but instead God was with him in the den. Where do we look during a trial. Do we look to God and in the word, to find examples of patience and faith, or do we go and try to find the answer in other places. In the trial, praise God, tell more people about God, be a witness to His working. The longer it takes to get through the trial, the greater the harvest. If God were to pluck us out of the trial too early, the fruit would be premature and underdeveloped. If He waits too long, it would be overly ripe. God’s timing is perfect. There is a bumper sticker that says, “When the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping.” That what some Christians do. “Let me get out of here and get my mind off of this.” But God wants us to get on our knees and cry out to Him, “Lord, we are waiting on you. I want the harvest for my soul.
June 28, 2006
I realized that the day we turned down the CM position, we are not our own anymore. We have given everything to Him. Every dollar, minute and motive are His now. Everything from here on out is for His glory. We are not our own. If we receive a dollar in support, it is not ours. If we give away everything we have, it was no longer ours in the first place. He is in control and will provide every last cent that is needed to fulfill His purpose and plan, through us. But large miracles will not happen if we are still holding on to our human resources. He doesn’t get the glory then. We will only see His full power and provision, when we fully take our hands, abilities and resources out of the picture and wait for Him to fulfill His plan. Let’s wait and see for God to do what He does best.
June 27, 2006
Today we received a large check from a close friend that was totally unexpected. And then we were given a week in St. Thomas with airfare paid. We then received a large check from a family at church. We have been receiving support from the most unexpected sources. But that is how God works. We had been expecting the church would be able to financially support us through the mission’s team. However, it turns out that they were out of money when it came time for our trip. He wanted to provide the funds in His own creative way. God provided all of it in 4 days after telling Jessica not to worry that he had his own way of providing it!
I also realized that the day we turned down the job, we were fully God’s property. Nothing we have or live for is our own. Any money we receive is from Him and His, more so than ever.
June 26, 2006
Illustration – The was a witch doctor in a tribe and she would give anything for a mirror she saw the missionary have. She traded for it and then smashed it. She said “Now it will never make ugly faces at me again.” Sometimes that is why we avoid reading the word. We do not want it to be a reflection of our sin.
June 25, 2006
At church last week I realized that I we quicker pick up my whole family and go to Peru and turn down the city manager position, than get up and spend time with God in the morning. Which one takes more obedience and dedication? God said to me that I can go overseas and minister in His name, but if I do not have an intimate walk with Him everyday, then I am worthless to Him. My efforts are in my own power.
June 18, 2006
I realized today that it is easier for me to pick up my whole family and commit our lives to overseas missions, than to get up every morning and spend time with God and get fed by His word. Which one takes more discipline? It’s easy to make a one time decision, but it is another thing to make a choice everyday to train for the race. God was telling me that I can do things like go on a mission trip or serve or preach the gospel, but it is worth nothing to Him if I have no intimate daily walk with Him. I will be doing it out of my own flesh and not out of a holy spirit filled power regenerated by Him everyday and beat on the anvil of His truth and words. This life is not about me, but about bringing God glory.
June 16, 2006
This has been a hard week. The house deal fell through…again. My car won’t start…again. Jessica’s bladder issues are not getting resolved. What more could God make us have to bear. Today, I reached my breaking point. But just at the right time, my car started, the house deal is going to go thru. But this is not the end of God stretching us, but only the beginning. But our problems do not compare to those of the people in Africa, so I remember that I am blessed beyond what I deserve. It is only by His grace that I am protected and not born into that situation in Swaziland.
June 15, 2006
Brain came over tonight to show us the pictures and tell us the stories of his trip to Swaziland. Those kids have no hope of anything in this world. They do not live life, they only try to survive until the next day. But what does the next day bring but the struggle to make through another hungry day of survival. There will be no vacations, weddings, college, career, theme parks, or even great meals. However, Jessica and I realized that the condition of the country stems from not knowing the boundaries that God has set up for us to protect us. Sin. Their parents did not know that God does not want us to have premarital sex or to have just one partner. So AIDS has killed an entire nation and has left no hope for the children. But if Christians would have stepped out and obeyed the Great Commission 30 or 40 years ago before AIDS, then the country would have known God’s standards and boundaries. So entire countries can be saved from ruin but just a handful of people who are willing to “go”.
June 11, 2006
I have to make the decision to give to Tom tomorrow. I wish God would speak. All God wants us to do is trust Him. God doesn’t make us go against our will, He just makes us willing to go. God’s got bigger a bigger plan than what these iddy biddy eyes can see. God wants our faith to grow, not our eyes to grow. God wants to build our faith. God doesn’t want us, if we don’t know Him, to try to fix the mess of our lives and then go to Him. He wants us to bring the mess to Him and He will put it back together for us.
June 10, 2006
Reasons why we should go to Peru or stay and become City Manager
Go to Peru (12)
Going – Spirit
Staying – Flesh
We would never miss the job, but we would miss the ministry.
I can’t believe at 33 years old, I have to make such a huge decision. I’m only a kid. I don’t want to make this decision for my family.
The amount of lives that will be changed here will never compare to the numbers overseas. We want to be where we will see most lives changed.
We were built to be overseas.
City Manager is just a job. No one outside the city knows the importance.
We would never be content just being a church member. We have too many ideas of how we would do it differently.
It is an adventure.
There are plenty of people who can stay here and minister, but only a few go.
We do not want to sell out to the flesh.
God calls us to go and make disciples.
God makes the decision, with all logic and pros/cons or common sense aside.
Be Assistant City Manager (25)
Seminary when 3 years is up.
Going for fear of man and fear of failure
We would be poor in Peru. Is that fair to kids.
No existing ministry.
Kids too young.
We can make a difference here.
We should want nothing else but to go, as soon as possible, nothing should stop us or even tempt us. Maybe we are not ready.
A true missionary is someone who has gotten to the point with God that they just can’t stay here another second. They have to go, not just want to go.
We can always take the job and see if it’s God’s will. If we hate it, then the mission process is always waiting for us.
There is a sphere of influence. We can make a huge difference here.
Family and friends. Leaving our parents.
The city needs godly leadership for revival. Example comes from the top down.
God is not a God of confusion. He would not put an opportunity to confuse me.
After giving up the engineering job/money to put the family first, maybe this is God’s blessing.
Whether here or there, I am in a mission field. My position would be a mission field.
My thinking needs to change if I think my job is not a mission field. Everyone who does not know Jesus is the walking dead. I need to walk every step like I was on the mission field.
The money, security.
We have 4 children that are 5 and under.
Will the kids learn the language. How will we teach them English? Will this affect their college career.
How will I do seminary when I get back. How will I pay for it.
We won’t have any support or help overseas.
There better be a heaven after this life. If this life is all that there is, then I am passing up a lot of money and pleasure in life.
No air conditioning.
We only get paid as much as a couple with no kids.
