Pasto, Colombia

We had the opportunity to stay in Lima long-term, but we turned it down. We sense God asking us to give up more and live in faith, with less and trust Him in ways we didn't have to in Lima. We also feel that our work there is done and that it is truly a reached people. God is calling us to the unreached in Colombia. We are pursuing an assignment in Pasto, Colombia. It is a place of about 400,000 and is 9,000 above sea level and is about 57 degrees all year round. There are several indigenous groups around that area and we would be trying to engage them. Our goal is to leave Lima by June of next year but we have to see what the IMB has planned and most importantly what God has in store. Thank you for praying with us.

You can google Pasto, Colombia to see pictures. It is beautiful in comparison to Lima.

First Steps

This past weekend, my precious baby Miles turned 11 months old. In just a few short weeks we will be celebrating his first year of life.

He has taken a few steps here and there and should be running circles around us in no time at all. He is still the sweetest little guy. He weighs about 26 pounds and loves to eat, eat, eat. His sister, Ally, is his favorite sibling. She is like a 2nd mom. He is definitely a daddy's boy and he is sad when all the kids are gone. His skin is still acting up, but we are trying to get it under control with new medication. Honestly, if I searched for something negative to say about him, I would not be able to come up with one thing. To us, he is perfect in every single way.

I am looking forward to celebrating Mile's birthday on September 28th. Here is a picture of him the night he took his first steps.

Only God Knows

We almost did something permanent in regards to "bearing" more children. God blocked it on three accounts. On the third account I said, "Okay, God....what do you have planned for our family?"

Our plans are to not have anymore children. But I wonder what God's plans for our family are? I can't wait to see. Lately I have been feeling like there is one more little girl missing from our family. It started a few months back and has only gotten stronger. The problem is that I do not ever want to be pregnant again, but yet it seems as if someone is missing from the Phams. When I talk with John about "our next baby" or "being pregnant again" he doesn't say anything to the contrary or anything negative. That is odd, too! So at this point, only God knows. And it's interesting that that is enough for me with "family planning" but it's not with COlombia or Peru (see previous post). I hope that "Only God Knows" can be enough in all areas of my life. I don't need to know the answers or plan everything out. I just need to trust and walk in faith; for me...so much easier said than done.

By the way, if we have another little girl, her name will be Alani Bella.

Colombia or Peru???

AAfter almost two weeks of having my blog shut down completely, I opened it back up because I'm just not me without my blog. It is an extension of me and an outlet. I am not advertising that it's open or open to the public, so at this point I have no readers. But that's fine because I am doing it for me.

Being back in the states was hard for the first two weeks. Now it is incredible on all levels. I have gotten into a good schedule with the kids, exercise, church, friends and family. My heart already feels sadness about returning to Lima. Here I feel so alive and happy and like my old self. I am constantly smiling and just refreshed. In Lima I sit around and mostly feel down and yuk!

God has a place for us to serve next, but we are confused as to where that would be. Our flesh clouds our judgement on many levels. We would love to stay in Lima so that we don't have to move, leave such a great house and school. We would not like to go to Colombia because Colombia means more change and transition and that equals YUK!!!! But Colombia possibly has people that God wants us to reach. Lima is pretty much reached, but there is a work we can do there as well, but not the kind of work we feel passionate about. But does the work we feel passionate about exist in Colombia as well or is it only available in in Asia or the Middle East where Christ is not known? And if we moved to one of those countries then we are talking about starting at ground zero again. Why can't I just be up for that? Why not just throw caution to the wind and start a new life ALL over again (yet again) with a different language, culture, values, etc...?? I wish I could be so brave. I feel like the missionaries in the East are REAL missionaries and we are just phonies taking the easy way out. But nonetheless, we need an answer...Colombia or Peru??? Only God knows. He's just not telling us yet.

I'm still alive, just very tired and too busy. I do miss my slow life in Peru.

The novelty of Wal-mart has worn off.

John and I are heading out bright and early for our Dominican vacation. :) See you when I get back!!!

Any readers left?

I have probably lost ALL of my readers by this point. I am going to start chronicalling (spelling) my thoughts about Stateside to help me debrief and process all of this. There are so many things in my heart and mind and I wonder if anyone else has ever felt the same. Maybe if I have it in writing, one day God can use it to help someone else who is in similar shoes.

The past month of my life has been a whirlwind. It went from packing up, saying goodbye to friends, hosting a mission team, flying here, settling into the house in less than 24 hours, packing up again and going to stay out with John's family in a timeshare on Disney property, 2 days with them out there, coming home and unpacking and then driving an hour each way for three more days to be with John's family in Deland while his sisters and mom were here. By the time we pulled out on Friday night from her house, at 10 p.m., I literally cried ALL the way home and had a huge meltdown. I guess I had been bottling everything inside of me and just putting on a "I'm fine, everything is great. I'm so happy to be back in the states," face. I was also beyond exhausted. Seriously, it was inconceivable how tired I was and still am from the enormous amount of activity and huge life changes we have just experienced.

It might seem like I have a lot of energy and go, go, go, but the truth is that I need about 10 hours of sleep a night, cannot have too much activity every day and need lots of "margin" in my life. The need for margin became so apparent as we were just hustling from one thing to the next. And don't even get me started on my kid's behavior through all of this. Actually, their behavior is fine, it's just that they have lost their manners and some of the fundamentals we have taught them. But they are transitioning as well, so I have a lot of grace for them.

Here are some things I would like to post about in the next few days:

My new itty-bitty, tiny nose-ring. (No negative opinions please. It's already done and I have no conviction about it).
God's awesome provisions!!!!
The sadness I have felt being here in the States and how transitioning to a new place is hard, no matter where it is.
Looking like a complete moron in public because I don't know how things are done here anymore.
My thoughts about my first term.
Running Club!
Materialism and how I am responding different than I thought I would.

Well, it's late and I want to read a cookbook my aunt is letting me borrow - 1,400 Best Slow Cook Recipes. Yummy!

Our number

We are in Florida. It is late. You can reach us at 407-715-6846. :)

Just popped in to say that our team is here from our home church in St. Cloud. I am so glad that we are leaving the same day that they are or we would be so sad staying here once they leave. We are having a great time of ministry.

The baby is now saying "Hola and Ciao" (chow) on a regular basis. He also says mama, dada and it sounds like he tries to mimic other words. But the hola and ciao are incredible! :) We think he is going to be a very early talker. He'll be 10 months on Wednesday.

Hope you all are doing well. So crazy to think that in just a few days our first term in Peru will be over and we will be in sunny Florida.

Break

We leave in 2 weeks from yesterday. Lots to do and much activity in these days. No time to blog! I will be back in 3-4 weeks! Blessings to you all!

waving bye-bye

This morning after I was done feeding the baby, John carried him out of the room for a second. I said, "Bye Bye! Bye Bye!" And I waved my little hand at him. Low and behold, he waved bye-bye back to me and then proceeded to do it on command 3 or 4 more times this morning. I'm going to try to snap a picture of it. It is so precious. So when I say "Bravo" he claps his hands and now when I say "Adios" I hope he will wave good-bye. This morning I went into where he was playing and I said, "Miguel!" He looked right at me and smiled and came to me. He definitely knows he as two names. I think I call him Miguel or Miquelito more than I call him Miles. Such a smart boy and one of the greatest joys of my life.

Please pray

http://joshuajoelhunter.blogspot.com/2010/07/up-down-up.html

Please pray for Ava, a 5 year old little girl who was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer. She is diagnosed with 12-18 months to live with little hope for successful treatment. I use to work with her father, Josh Hunter. I read his blog from beginning to end and her sickness just came out of nowhere like 3 weeks ago. Please beat down heaven's door for this little girl. She is too young to die.

Goodbye

This morning at 9 a.m. our fired empleada showed up to beg for her job back. It was so sad. She was crying so much and then I started crying and then John was about to tear up. It is so hard to have tough love at times when you know it is hurting someone, but yet at the same time know that it is the best for everyone involved. She was crying so hard, it just broke my heart. We affirmed our love for her over and over, but we also had to discuss the events that led up to our decision (which by the way we had already repeatedly discussed). She took full responsibility, which is a rare thing in this culture. If you think it's hard firing someone in English, I can assure you it is 20X harder in a foreign tongue.

One of the things that I was thinking was that we have now had 3 empleadas. 2 of which we have had to let go for different reasons. And everytime we have always ended things on good terms with lots of hugs and kisses. Our workers spend about 16-24 hours weekly in our home, so they see the inner workings of EVERYTHING - the good and the bad. The fact that Maria was so sad to leave our family is, in my mind, a testimony to the Glory of Christ in our Home. It is often not easy to live set apart or differently than the rest of the world. My prayer has always been that our workers would enjoy being here and that they would feel the love we have for one another and for them. As sad as it was to see her sadness, I knew that God had been glorified over the past year that she worked for us or else she would've left with her middle finger up while slammin' the door and dusting the dirt off of her shoes. I feel like a failure on so many levels every single day as a Christian. Even letting her go made me feel like a failure, but at the same time I could truly see that it was the best decision and also that we had been really good to her and God was given honor through her time here. And in some small way that helps ease the sadness.

***Please pray for Maria as she is going through a lot right now and needs direction as well as a stable job. She currently has two other homes she works for so it is not like she is without work completely.

A new empleada

We had to let our house helper go on Friday. It was a hard decision that she made quite easy by her choices. You guys know how much I love her, so that made it a little sad.

Anyway, we have a new woman, Mary, starting tomorrow and she will work for rus 2 days a week until we leave and then once a week while we are gone and others are living here and then she will be our empleada once we return. She also cooks and came with glowing recommendations, a superior "I can" attitude and a personality that is full of life. The kids loved her already. I am so thankful that we found someone so quickly and it's like there wasn't even a lapse in time. Did I mention she cooks? Now we don't want to go back to Florida so that we can stay and enjoy her yummy Peruvian meals.

My friend, Angela, who lives in this neighborhood hooked me up with Mary and even the days she is available are exactly what we need. So thankful!

Grace.....oih how I need you?

I am still in shock over my language evaluation. It's quite amazing, actually. All I can say is "Thank you, Jesus."

Right now, I am going through something extremely personal that I cannot publish on my blog. It has shaken me in a way that it should not. It has really got me thinking about the verse that says, "Your grace is sufficient for me."

As a Christian woman, I have a hard time living in grace and letting it just be enough. What if everything in my life completely fell apart, would the grace that God has extended to me, through faith in Christ, be enough to sustain me? It should be. But sadly enough, this situation has squeezed me and I see that at moments it definitely is not enough for me. Why not? I am shaken to my core in a way that just brings me to tears and sadness. And if you knew the situation, you might even laugh and say it's not that bad. But it feels like the biggest deal in the entire world, right now, and I am having the most difficult time experiencing God's peace and comfort. I feel guilty that it is ALL my fault and I have this image of God shaking his finger at me in disgust.

Anyway, I have to reconcile this situation to my faith and truly receive God's grace, live in it and experience the peace that comes from knowing no matter what happens in this lifetime, that it is all so temporal and something better is promised to me in the future. Once I figure out how to do that successfully and actually do it, I will surely let you know. :)

We have a busy day around here, so I need to get going.

Espana Gano!!!!!

YEAH! Miles' team won the world cup. He was so happy he poohed his pants. Oh wait, that didn't have anything to do with his team winning. :)

He sported his Espana shirt all day and looked as cute as ever in it. I sure am glad that out of 5 shirts, one that I chose won the whole series. And the fact that it is a Spanish speaking country makes it even better.

Woohooo Espana!