My rights - am I entitled?

God is reminding me that I am not entitled to what I think are "my rights." Sometimes I get caught in this trap and it can hinder me spiritually and leave me trying to work things out for myself instead of trusting God to work things out for me. The biggest right that I need to give up, in this stage of life, is my right to sleep. I am a mom of many children and an infant. 7 hours of sleep in the last 2 nights is all little Miles has allowed me and there hasn't been much rest time during the day. I found out this evening that John will be gone tomorrow from 5:45 a.m. - 7:30 p.m. tomorrow - just when I thought I could finally catch up on some sleep. I wanted to cry. Okay, sob is more like it! Doesn't he (John) know that I need sleep? (BTW- it's totally not John's fault that he has such a busy day planned coming off of 2 LOOOOONG nights with the baby). But then I was reminded that God knows I need sleep and He can do many things (as he has in the past) to help me through the day. Maybe the baby will sleep through the night tonight. Maybe I will wake up with a ton of energy tomorrow. Maybe I can steal a few hours of rest tomorrow even though I am in charge of 5 kids alone. No matter what the day holds, I know that God can and will me the strength to make it through since He gave me these precious kids and ordained this awesome, albeit sleepless right now, life for me. :) And I just need to continue to surrender what I think are my "rights" and trust in Him and his power and grace.

ROFL - as I was typing this, I fell asleep with my hand on the mouse! John said, "Jess...wake up." I had my hand on the mouse and my head was bobbing with my eyes closed. How funny is that? :) Too funny!

P.S. John and some men from the church are pouring the new floor tomorrow morning to help the flea situation. It has gotten so bad that no one can meet in the building anymore. And I use the term building loosely.

P.S.S. Dr. Spangenberg, the Ped., e-mailed us tonight and said he talked with the 2nd opinion Ped. Neurologist and to call her on Monday to get Miles in right away next week! YEAH!!

Homeschooling

Our school curriculm for today:

Hugs
Kisses
Playing in the tent
Fawning over the baby
All 6 of us in the King size bed cuddling and giggling
Speaking kindly to one another
Enjoying each other's company
Learning how to take care of a baby
Running and jumping outside
Collecting rocks
Hugs
Kisses
and more giggles!

Sounds like the perfect homeschooling day!

LOOOONG, great day! More tomorrow....

Pediatrician said he saw more normals with Miles than abnormals. That was encouraging. Still hoping the head gets stronger and the leg twitching stops. 2nd opinion to come very soon (the dr. is out of town) - hopefully next week.

I will post a picture of his Peruvian Passport photo tomorrow. It is so cute, it will melt your heart. THOSE CHEEKS!!!

John has a super long day of ministry tomorrow. He is training a national, leading a Bible study and leading an evangelism workshop of sorts. Please pray for him and the people of Oasis (and me as I manage the fort with 4 cuties and chunky, fat cheeks!

Good day already!

They day has already started out pleasant! The baby slept last night from 10:30 p.m. - 6:30 p.m. with only one middle of the night feeding. YEAH! From 7:30 - 6:30 p.m. I fed him at 10 p.m., and 2 a.m. and 6: 20 a.m. so I really can't complain. He is fast asleep again! YEAH!! It sounds like a lot of feedings, but compared to the every solid 2-3 hours he has been eating, I was very happy for a little extra sleep. :)

And then I jumped on the scale to see if I have lost anymore weight since I started Weight Watcher's for nursing moms. I am down 4 lbs. in 2 weeks and have lost a grand total of 25 of the 31ish I gained during pregnancy! WOOHOOO!!! I have been working really hard to get it off simply because I need to fit in my clothes again. For me, the first 20 usually comes right off, but the last 10 I really have to work VERY hard at. But I started this pregnancy 10 lbs. heavier than some of my other pregnancies, so I still have about 15ish to lose. But I am very happy with the progress so far. I just wish I wasn't craving a chocolate e-clair from Dunkin Donuts this morning. ;)

I had a great conversation with the Pediatrician, on the telephone, Thursday night. He is going to help line up a 2nd opinion with another Pediatric Neurologist. This doctor will speak English so that will help the communication. The Pediatrician said our current Neurologist is very good, but extremely Meticulous. So we are wondering if he is being "overly" cautious. It was a lengthy conversation so I can't go over all the details, but it was reassuring that Baby Miles is probably VERY okay and even without therapy would catch up and grow to live a completely normal life without delays. John has been saying this all along. Lets see what the next doctor says.

I uploaded a bunch of pictures of Baby Miles on Facebook last night. Hop on over there to see his cute myriad of cute expressions!

Please pray about the fleas and a ministry vehicle for us. Our kids are eaten up AGAIN and no one except John has been going out to Oasis. He is carrying the sand fleas back in the car and in one car ride, the kids get tortured with bites. I have found that putting deodorant on them helps ease the itch a little. Who would've thought?

EEG Results

Try to read this as a positive and that I am sharing it in an optimistic voice, because it might sound worse over the internet than it is.

The EEG was abnormal. It showed slow brain function, but did NOT show any signs of epileptic episodes (praise God). The ultrasound from last week showed white parts of his brain that indicate "immaturity." The EEG just confirmed that parts of his brain are immature and as a whole it is functioning slowly. There are already some developmental delays (head and also some leg tremors) that gave the dr. a red flag last week.

However, the best solution for all of this is to start physical/developmental therapy with him. This will help strengthen his muscles and will help stimulate his brain while it is growing at a rapid pace. The dr. is optimistic that therapy can help his brain to mature and to function normally.

He has no brain damage, no metabollic disorders and ALL other tests have come back negative. So the doctor believes that when I was pregnant, there were times that the baby did not get enough blood to his brain through the placenta. He said that sometimes this happens at the end of pregnancy when the placenta starts to get old.

Well, that is it in a nutshell. We are seeking out a 2nd opinion (not because we don't trust the doctor, but because it is always wise to do in cases like this). We will also meet with our amazing Pediatrician next week to review what we learned today. I believe we are also going to choose to hold off on vaccinations for now. We won't pursue therapy until after we meet with the Pediatrician next week, although we are definitely going to do therapy. The good news is that the therapist can come directly to my house! :)

Thank you for your concern and prayers. I really am OKAY and know that this could be sooooo much worse. And I am thankful that we are able to catch this now to start therapy while he is really little and give him (and his brain) the best possible start to life. :)

Baby and church

The baby had his EEG on Friday. It's hard to tell how it went. We were suppose to get the results back tomorrow, but the dr. did not have any appointments until Wednesday. We will try to call him tomorrow. My personal lab results, to see if I have metal, paint, pesticides or other toxins in my body that could be effecting the baby, will be back on Tuesday. So at the latest, we will know everything by Wednesday. We also received his metabolic tests (it tests for 50-60 different problems) and it was ALL completely normal!!! John and I really think there is nothing wrong with the baby. We are hoping that Wednesday's appointment will just confirm this.
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Ministry is continuing to go well. John said everyone showed up for church tonight and for the past 3 weeks, the man he is training has preached! YEAH!!!

The church has collected over $100 in tithe in the past 4ish months. So now they are going to lay down a concrete floor because EVERYONE is getting eaten with fleas. It is not just us. I am excited they are getting the floor! :)

Well, it's 8:39 p.m. and I need to get to bed! Good night!

Miles

Miles had his follow-up appointment with the pediatric neurologist today. He came to our house and did an extensive evaluation as well as an ultrasound of the brain. He found a few things that still have him concerned. He scheduled an EEG for tomorrow as well as a toxicity screening for me to see if I have pesticides or some type of metal in my body that could be effecting the baby's central nervous system. We are still waiting for the metabolic test results which tests for 50-60 different metabolic/genetic problems. The test takes 12 business days so hopefully we will have some concrete answers next week. I was a little unnerved after the appointment today, but God is faithful and Miles continues to be an amazing blessing to our family and we are enjoying him so much. Please continue to pray for this issue at hand.

Prayer Requests

Requests:

John starts an evangelism workshop tomorrow late afternoon. Please pray for his safety as well as the people to be able to learn how to share the Gospel easily and also that many people in their lives would be impacted. The people have asked for this and are very excited.

The pediatric neurologist comes to our house for our follow up appointment on Thursday. Please pray that Miles continues to get a clean bill of health. We are still waiting for the metabolic test results.

John is trying to get the baby's passports (Peru and U.S) so that we can leave in December. If you lived here you would know why I put that on the prayer requests. LOL! NOTHING is easy or fast and usually takes 10 times longer, with more hassles, than it needs to.

Pray I will feel normal soon and that God's strength would guide me in raising 5 kids on a little bit of sleep.

Pray for John as he continues trying to church plant, disciple, evangelize and invest in the people in the South cone.

Pray for our kids as they are all loving the new baby, but definitely having some adjustment/behavior issues.

Pray for Miles to sleep longer in the night.

Thanks for partnering and praying!!!!

Precious Photos

Happy and calm!
This is ALL Ally wants to do!

This picture was TOTALLY not planned! How precious!

This was just taken tonight! Boy do I need to get some sun! :)

Precious baby! He is just now at his birth weight again. Taken tonight!

Our Birthing Story - Miles Anderson Pham

Immediately after birth. I don't know how John took pictures and delivered the baby!

On Sunday night, September 27, 2009, I was having terrible bladder problems. I was using the bathroom every 4-5 minutes and felt so much pressure and irritation. I just couldn't get comfortable. Around 10 p.m., I sent John to the pharmacy to get an antibiotic because I was certain I had another UTI. I took the antibiotic and another medicine to help give me some relief. I was able to fall asleep around midnight and probably got a good hour of sleep before waking up at 12:55 to a big gushing feeling. My water broke abruptly. Turns out all the bladder pressure was the baby's head pushing down getting ready to make his entrance. The doctor thinks his head is what busted my water. Anyway, I woke John up and told him the great news. He jumped out of bed and started running around crazily gathering stuff. I was still in the bed and I said, "John, relax! We have time. I'm not even having contractions." It was so funny to see him panicking. He calmed down and we called the doctor. We told him we weren't having any contractions. He asked if we wanted to go to the hospital and we told him no that we wanted to try to have the baby at home as we had planned.

The contractions started around 2:30-2:45ish. We were praying they would start because we didn't want to end up at the hospital if it wasn't necessary. Anyway, once they started they came every 8-13 minutes and were medium in strength. We called the doctor and he came around 3 something. I was only like 3-4 centimeters when he came. I had been 3 the week before so I hadn't really made much progress. I think I was like 80% effaced though.

Anyway, John refused to let me sit down. He just wanted me walking and moving so the baby would come out sooner and faster. I knew he was right, but I was so tired. After all, I had been up for so long (pretty much since the morning before). I swept and talked to the doctor and called people in the middle of the night to let them know Miles was on his way.

The contractions were still like 10 minutes apart so I started squatting for a minute or two at a time. OH MY WORD! If that didn't speed things up! :) I had read to do this, but wasn't sure if it would work. It was insane how much things picked up after that. They started coming MUCH, MUCH harder and about 5 minutes apart. The doctor checked me around 6:30ish and I was 5 centimeters and 100% effaced. I was a little discouraged because the pain was getting almost unbearable at only 5 centimeters. And sometimes I would have contractions that would last for 3-4 minutes. UGH!! John kept encouraging me to squat, but there were times that I just couldn't because it intensified the contractions so quickly.

Anyway, around 6:35ish, the doctor received a call from a woman who was 9 weeks pregnant. She was bleeding and he went to the clinic or his office (both are like 3 minutes away) to see if she was losing the baby or if everything was okay. He said he would be back in 20. I told John, "He's not going to be here for the birth. There is no way." We were fine with that thought, as we had researched, just the night before, what to do if you found yourself in a birthing situation without a doctor. We learned about what to do with the chord and also nose/mouth suctioning. Plus, we knew he'd be coming back at some point.

As soon as he left, I hopped in the bathtub b/c I knew he probably would tell me no baths after my water broke. But I remembered that during my last homebirth, I was able to take a bath after she broke my water. The hot water really helps make the contractions more bearable.

The contractions picked up harder and stronger (if that was even possible) and I felt like I was going to die from the pain. :) If someone had offered me an epidural, I probably would've taken it. My last labor was a piece of cake in comparison to these strong contractions.

Around 6:50ish something, I could hardly talk or stand up and told John I just needed to push. I climbed on the bed (which we had already prepared) and I started to push. John went to get Ally as she had wanted to be present during the birth. She stayed by my head. He asked if I wanted him to call the doctor. At that point, all I wanted was the pain to end and the baby out. I said, "No, just help me."

So, with Ally by my head and John at the other end, I pushed and pushed. Within 2-3 pushes his head emerged. A few more pushes and Miles Anderson made his grand entrance into this world. I pushed so hard that I seriously felt like I went to another realm. I know that sounds strange, but I felt like it was an out of body experience. It probably was just that I was holding my breath and was about to pass out. :)

Anyway, the pain was immediately gone after he was born. John tried to give him to me, but honestly I needed a few minutes to recover from the intense pain I had just experienced. So after a minute or so, John put him on my chest in towels. We kept the chord attached and then delivered the placenta and put it in a bowl next to the baby. The dr. called and was shocked that we had just had a baby at home, unassisted, and that he came so quickly. The doctor arrived within minutes to help take care of everything.

All the kids came into the room, 1 by 1, as they woke up in the morning. They were shocked and so happy to meet their little brother, Miles, who was born on September 28, 2009 (5 days early) weighing 8 lbs 14 ounces and 20 inches long. What an incredible adventure.

Our first Phamily Picture

Me and the baby when he was 3 days old!

Soon I hope to be posting my birthing story. It was definitely crazy! Sleep eludes me thanks to Miles, but he is worth every second of sleeplessness. I wish I was one of those women that just had a baby and bounced right back to life. That is so not me. I'm spending most days in my pj's just sititng on the couch staring at him in a foggy, joy-filled daze! We are all incredibly in love. John and I are going to bed around 8:30 a.m. each night to prepare for the disturbances that are coming all too regularly. John is really, really awesome about helping me in the night. He brings me the baby or holds him if he is wide awake. So we are kind of suffering together! :) Miles is seemingly very healthy and we hope it stays that way. God's blessings are so good! Now if He would just bless us with some sleep! :) :)

Bye Bye Baby Ticker

The baby ticker made it to zero days today and yet he came 5 days ago. It is so bitter sweet. The end of pregnancy, the beginning of a new life. I miss feeling him inside the womb, but I love holding him in my arms. God is good. Praise Him for a marvelous, yet at times very difficult, 9 months.

Baby's sodium improved just a tiny bit, but not much. His bilirubin has gone up some more, but since he is now 4 days old, the doctor said he is at a low, medium danger level and should be fine. He is being released and we are going home. Lots of follow up appointments in the future, but the doctor said that best indicator of his health is "how he is doing now." And we think he is doing great and so does he! On our way home to be a family again!!!

Jenn is here!!!!!! I can't believe how much I perked up and got talkative and energetic upon her arrival. Wow! It is true that a good friend can really help! She is going to stay at our house tonight while the kids are sound asleep so she can get a good nights sleep and John is going to come here to help me and bond with the baby while I try to sleep tonight. John tucked the kids in and then he will be back before they wake up in the morning. We have pretty much decided that we ARE going home tomorrow no matter what (unless he is dying of course - but that is totally NOT likely) . They are giving him so little water here that we can do that at home. Also, my milk has come in on one side (kind of strange, but true). So this should help things. He really seems like he is fine, so we are taking him home and we are more than happy to come back once or twice a day for tests. I have GOT to get out of this room and back to my family. So glad that hubby gets to stay with me tonight and that Jenn is FINALLY here. I just love her so much!!

The pediatric neurologist called me this morning. He is the one who did the ultrasound on Miles' head. He said that although there appears to be no "injuries" to his head, he still wants to continue to monitor him through weekly visits at his office. The conversation was on the phone, in Spanish, and that makes it more difficult. I guess he is concerned with that "shine" they saw on the ultrasound. I have NO idea what that means b/c it just doesn't translate correctly. Anyway, he said he will send his secretary here to get us set-up with next weeks follow-up of his head. It kind of unnerved me a little and I am just praying that everything turns out okay.

The nursery is feeding him water out of a cup. I am glad I don't have to see that. I really do appreciate how the doctor refuses to give the baby a bottle nipple. He said he is very pro-breastfeeding and that giving him a bottle would be detrimental to my milk coming in and with Miles' nursing progress.

Jenn will be here this afternoon and I would be lying if I didn't confess that I am counting down the minutes until she gets here. I could use a BIG hug, someone to hold the baby and maybe a walk outside. I am also hoping she can hold the baby at night when he is restless b/c I simply cannot nurse him all night long. But I understand why he wants to keep nursing.

Anyway, I am going to try to sleep until someone barges in again in 15 minutes. It is just constant.

John called our house helper to come over and watch the kids so that he could be freed up to come here and be with me a little and then pick Jenn up today. Please pray for him as well. I can tell that he is VERY stressed and he is normally super, duper calm.

not as good as we'd hoped

Miles is NOT coming home today. He is dehydrated. His sodium is high and his glucose is low and his bilirubin is rising. My milk has NOT come in yet thanks to all this stress so that is not helping the situation any. He is nursing every 1.5 hours, but the milk is just not here yet. He still needs prayer and I need rest in the worst way. Last night was the longest night. I just kept feeding him and feeding him (not knowing that he was dehydrated), but sensed he wasn't getting enough. He couldn't rest b/c he is hungry and needs more. The doctor is going to give him water out of a cup. He doesn't want to give him a bottle (thank God) b/c he doesn't want to interfere with the nursing process. He said he noticed the baby also has reflux and maybe the reflux caused the apnea episode (like what happened with Jaxson). I am so tired I cannot speak Spanish and am very weapy this morning. This is more difficult that I am by myself while John has to stay home with the other 4 kids. If Jenn wasn't coming in today I don't know what I would do. I am counting down the hours for her to get here so that she can at least hold the baby so I can sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time.