Knee Update

Hi friends:

Thank you for your continual prayers for my knee. Please keep them coming. I am about 85% better and have actually walked for 2 full days in a row. This is MAJOR progress. I was aching a bit tonight after 2 long days, but I am excited to be off the handicap scooter (although this has been a huge blessing for me). Anyway, I met with my doctor and he said I am progressing well and he feels like I am fine for overseas travel. He hopes I will continue to 100%. He sent a nice little note on letterhead to the IMB. My physical therapist also sent a nice note as well. I have not heard anything "formal" from the IMB so I am assuming there is no problem. If there is, I will surely let you know. Please continue to pray because I have noticed that ever since I started asking people to pray it started to get better.

I think I had to come to the end of my rope with these knee problems and just realize that ONLY God (not surgery, or therapy, or meds or rest or shots) can heal it. Once I put it in His hands, it has made so much progress. Thank you!

Don't worry, I'm not in my running shoes just yet, but I did set them out and I am looking at them with a twinkle in my eye.

If it means people will get saved

From Jessica.....

I think I have adopted a new motto in life. Recently, God has been showing me that I am going to have many situations in which I have to make uncomfortable decisions and submit to decisions made by leadership and peers that I might not necessarily agree with. The past 2 weeks have brought about a situation in which I have had to bend and mold and be in an absolute flexible state. I can tell you that normally I would put my foot down and not tolerate the situation, but here's the deal: if I don't tolerate it, then I might not get overseas and if I don't get overseas then people won't hear about Jesus. And if people don't hear about Jesus how can they accept him? And if they can't accept Him, how can they be saved? My decisions have eternal implications!

AHHAAA!! It is all so simple now and so easy for me to walk in love and flexibility. God has brought me to a place where I truly care about people knowing Him more than I care about being right or having my rights! If I go my own way, people will not be saved.
This new perspective in life is helping to mold every decision I make.

"If it means people will get saved I will do it!" no matter how uncomfortable it may be for me.

A Glimps of the Future

I have just uploaded three posts tonight, so you can catch up with more recent happenings in the two posts prior to this one. But, recently life here at ILC is starting to settle down. We are getting into a good rhythm of daily life. We take Saturdays to go off campus and get away as a family. Thus far we have taken a road trip through the mountains, climbed a small waterfall and went to a zoo. We are really enjoying life here now. Most of us say here, that ILC is the closest thing on earth to heaven. Like minded believers everywhere, learning about God all day, and all the food you can eat with no dishes or cooking.

I want to lead off with a story that happened while we were on our family vacation just prior to leaving for ILC. While at lunch one day, Parker said, “Mom, Dad, I got to disciple a boy in my kid’s club.” “What do you mean you discipled a kid?” I said. He replied, “I got to tell a boy about being a Christian.” “Tell us about it”, I said with anticipation. He began his story. “Well, I was talking to one of the boys and I asked him if he was a Christian. The boy said, No. So I asked him if he believed in God. And he said, No. And then I asked him if he believed in Jesus. And he looked at me funny and said, No why should I do that. Then I said, you don’t want to go to hell do you.” Well, that wasn’t certainly wasn’t the model presentation of the “Roman Road”. And it definitely left something to be desired when it comes to relational evangelism. But in the worldview of a 6 year old, I couldn’t ask for anything more from Parker. I gave him a big high-five and said, “Way to go son. I am so proud of you.” I am certain Parker is going to grow up to be our evangelist.

Along the same lines, at the beginning of last week, Parker said to me, “Dad, when I get older I want to go to China. I want to go to China. I want to be a missionary in China.” He checked out books everyday about China. What a blessing and confirmation that God is beginning to mold our children into world changers. How can you not want to become a world changer in this type of environment? Everyone here has committed their lives and the lives of their children to be world changers. God has big plans for Parker. But as I thought about the day, Parker would make that decision and actually go to China, I thought,” Can’t you pick someplace safer than China?” Actually, as I sit here and type this, Jessica is reminding met that I actually said, “There is no way I am going to let him go to China. He will need to find a safer mission assignment.” Especially, since I know what danger and security issues are involved in going to an anti-Christian country. Funny, huh? It made me realize, it is easier to go than to be the one that is left. I can’t imagine the day that our kids would leave us to go off to some far off country. And even worse, to take our grandkids with them. So all this to say that God is beginning to answer our prayers. Prayers that by taking our children overseas they would 1.) grow up to see a full picture of God that they could not get here in the states, 2.) grow up to be world changers because they say it modeled in their parents. Praise God that He is working in the lives of our children as much as He is working in our lives. Glory be to God forever. –John.

Lessons from the Shorties

OK. Since my last posting was a little engineer-ish, matter of fact, nuts and bolts, I have a story to share. The second week here at ILC, Parker was having a little bit of a hard time. In fact, we were all having a hard time with the adjustment. As we learned in one of our classes on how to deal with stress, our stress level is at an all time high, based on the compounding life changing events all happening at once. And for me, the stress came out in the form of impatience with the kids. That particular day, I was barking out orders at Parker. You know the typical, “Clean your room, and don’t get out of bed again.” Well, he decided that he had enough and he was entitled to vent a little stress too. So he barked back. Well, of course I wasn’t happy with his tone with me (even though I had set the tone first), and I said, “If you keep this up, I will take away your…”, and then I paused a moment, looked around his bare International Learning Center dorm bedroom and realized that he doesn’t really have anything left to take away. That reminded me of another time, where he actually said to me, “What are you going to take away, everything is already gone.” Wow, another wake up call for dear old dad. What do I really have to be barking at him for? He, along with Allyson, Jaxson and Avery have been troopers through this whole process. They have adjusted amazingly well to everything. Leaving home, friends, family, toys and bicycles. Starting school for the first time, leaving daily living with mommy, and adjusting to new friends and surroundings. Jessica and I are so blessed. Well, God’s lesson for me, through my kids, was not done yet.

Then the next day Jerry Rankin (IMB President) was talking to us about missionaries that have given their lives while serving overseas. He used the expression “giving their lives” instead of “losing their lives” because we all go voluntarily knowing what the price may someday be of following Jesus’ call on our lives. Dr. Rankin told stories of children of missionaries that have died on the field, either from illnesses or accidents. And then it occurred to me. Jessica and I are ready and willing to lay down our lives so the Gospel of Jesus can be spread, but our children have not make that conscious choice. They have been drafted into service. So is it fair? Are we bad parents for taking them overseas? Well, here is the more important question, which can answer both of those questions. Do we believe heaven is a better place than this world? In other words, we know that if our children died today, they would go to heaven. So they would be given a promotion to a better place and existence. Please don’t misinterpret what I am saying. We love our kids and hope they live to be 100 years old and have a fruitful, full life of walking with our Lord. We would rather die than see a single hair harmed on any of their heads. But as much as I try to protect them and guard them from the dangers of this world, God is still in control and He loves them more than I will ever love them. He loves them with a perfect, holy love that is unfailing. And His plan for their lives, as well as our lives, is in His hands. -John

ILC Weeks 1,2,3 at a Glance

It’s finally me. Yes, I am here with Jessica. No, Jessica is not here by herself. But by the absence of any info from me, you could think that. We have just completed our third week. What is my impression of live at ILC (International Learning Center) so far? The best way to describe it would be, “trying to drink from a fire hydrant.” There is so much great information given to us, but we feel like we are only scratching the surface. As Jessica mentioned in the previous entry, we are not just learning about strategy and theory, but we are learning about strengthening our own relationship with God, spiritual warfare and doctrine. But I want to go back and fill you in on some of the highlights of the first three weeks. In this entry, I want to share some one-liners that God has used to really speak to me. I want to share these thoughts, because Jessica and I feel that you, our partners through prayer, go with us through this journey and as we prepare for the work. So what we learn, you hopefully will share in. What we struggle with, you also will share in and lift us in prayer. But, when we see God working in the lives of those we will reach with His good news, you will also share in. Share as partners in the plowing and harvest. So here we go…

Week One - (Overview, Personal Discipleship, Doctrine, Medical Overseas, Personalization)

Monday (Overview) – God was so gracious. Coming into these 8 weeks, the thing I dreaded most was dropping off the kids to school and daycare. Not for my sake but for Jessica’s. None of the kids have ever been in school or daycare, and there would be mourning for the loss of closeness and blessing that comes from home schooling and watching the small ones grow up. Never to miss a moment. But God was so gracious. Jessica cried a little at breakfast, but that was it. I anticipated the day to be an emotional disaster.

Tuesday (Personal Discipleship)
We had a mandatory three-hour retreat of silence. There was a question sheet that helped us to identify unmasked, un-confessed sin. One question asked, “ Do you take the slightest credit for anything good about you, rather than give all the glory to God?” Another question asked, “Do you allow feelings of inferiority to keep you from attempting things you should in serving God.” At first glance these two contradict each other. But what God revealed to me was that I am doing things in my own power. I strive and toil, but it is not out of a Spirit filled walk. That is why I take credit for things. And that is why I don’t try things that are outside of my expertise. Because if I fail then it is a reflection of me and not what God is doing through me. That is the root of my struggle for seeking the approval of man. I am seeking their approval of me and what I have done, instead of walking in the spirit and finding peace in knowing that only He is pleased with me. I resolve to learn to walk in the Spirit. Romans 15:17 says, to glory in Christ in my service to God, and not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me, through the power of the Spirit.

Wednesday (Personal Evangelism)
I need to tell people within the first 10 minutes of meeting them that I am a follower of Jesus Christ. If we wait for weeks, until we have built a relationship with them, before we tell them that we all need Christ, they will call us a liar. If it was so important to our lives, and us why has it taken so long to bring it up.

Thursday (Doctrine)
What a great day. So much good truth shared yesterday. Speaker was Tom Elliff, past SBC president. He covered foundation scriptural doctrine the encompassed, “What do we tell our friends about – Mankind and the human problem, God’s answer in Christ, Truth, Faith, Divine Guidance, God, The Church (Ordinances, Spiritual Gifts, and the Mission). There is too much to fit in one journal entry. But, here are some things that stood out:
-The Bible does not contain truth - it is truth.”
-You are what you are doing now. Not what you think you would be when the conditions are perfect. Specifically, when it comes to our daily time with God.
-We pray to get us to want what God wants. To cooperate with Him in what He is doing. -We need to decide to turn to God for the answer first – not last when we have exhausted all other resources.

Friday (Doctrine)
Tom Elliff spoke about doctrine again. What a great day. The thing that stood out to me the most is when he said, “Nowhere does the Bible say that we witness because we have a burden for the lost. If someone doesn’t have a burden for the lost, they are still required to be a witness.” Also, in talking about being a missionary wherever we are he said, “Shouldn’t those around you get a leg up when it comes to heaven. Is anybody’s eternity affected by the fact that you are alive?” I commit to take every opportunity to make sure I can give as many people “a leg up” as I can. I may never see them surrender their lives to Jesus, but I will do what I can, even if small.

Week Two - (Spiritual Warfare, Third Culture Kids, Malaria, Medical, Definition of a Church, Culture Shock)

Monday (Spiritual Warfare)
Jerry Rankin, IMB President, talked about spiritual warfare. What stood out to me was when he said, “God’s purpose in everything is so He will be glorified. We exist for His glory. Missions only exists for God’s glory. Bringing more people to God, to increase His glory. However, if we are disobedient to God, then Satan has succeeded in reducing God’s glory, not ours. Satan doesn’t care about us. We are just pawns. He is at war with God to steal His glory.” Also Jerry said, “He calls us not so much to a place, but to Him.” I want to make sure that I am keeping my focus on why I go overseas. Not to do my best, but to get close to God and see Him glorified.

Tuesday (Spiritual Warfare)
Jerry Rankin spoke about spiritual warfare again. He said, “If you are living in Christ, you can do anything you please. Because if you live in Christ, what pleases Him will please you.” He also said, “Fasting is a desire to know God more than our desire for food.” Wow, let’s give that a moment to sink in and simmer in our spirits, since it can apply to any other object of our attentions in life. I want to begin to learn the discipline of fasting. Every time we get a hunger pang, it reminds us to focus our attention back on God.

Thursday (Spiritual Warfare)
Jerry Rankin spoke about spiritual warfare again. Told us the adversity will come during our time overseas. Much adversity. Bu he said, “Adversity is our greatest opportunity to demonstrate the power of a Holy Spirit indwelt life to a lost and dying world. God’s primary concern is not our safety, comfort or security. It is His glory.

Week Three
In week three, we learned all about Anthropology, Worldview/Religions, Persons of Peace, Training for Trainers. A ton of strategy, theory and practical missiology.

I hope this gives a good picture of how God is using this time and place to prepare us for the years of service ahead. Praise Our Lord that the IMB is able to provide such extensive for its personnel. I can’t imagine just getting dropped on the field without the training that we have received here.
- John

Life Outside of the Pit

While I was growing up I was literally in a pit - to say the least. I had no self-esteem, self-worth or hope. I was depressed, angry and suicidal all rolled into one. I use to feel that my life was one big mound of dirt that was going to topple over any minute. If even one more speck of sand was placed onto it (any difficulty in life), I felt that there would be a dirt-pile avalanche and I certainly would not survive it.

My how things have changed!!!!!!

This week the Lord so gently and graciously reminded me of who I was, or the condition I was in, before He came to pull me out of the pit that was my life. For a long, long time now I have been silent about my upbringing and the baggage that I collected along the way. The enemy made me feel that I should be embarrassed and ashamed of where I came from. Once again, he was spouting lies, lies and more lies. God showed me this week that "I am much better healed than I am well." (thanks Beth Moore).

God wants me to revel in where I came from so that His face can be shown brightly in my life. If you don't know where I've been, then who God has made me to be and where I'm going don't seem so amazing.

But once you find out that my childhood was plagued with promiscuous caretakers, drugs and alcohol (I use to watch Cocaine being snorted and I was a frequent on drug deals and overnight drug parties) you can see that God's hand has been on my life since the very beggining. Add to that drama, the constant mental abuse and parental neglect! At a very young age, my 2nd cousin decided he was going to molest me with his hands. Nice!! When I told some relatives about it they didn't do or say anything. I was very angry about this. My parents have been married 6 times between the two of them and I was tossed around more times than a hot potato. I can tell you story after story of negative things that I experienced in my childhood, but that is not what is important anymore. What is important is that you know that my life was once a black abyss that I wanted to die in.

And then came Jesus Christ.

When I was in college a dear woman decided that she wanted to do Bible study with me each week. She sat me down and literally held my hand as we walked through 1st and 2nd Peter. I would share with her all of the turmoil of my life and one day she asked me if I had "the deep abiding peace that came from knowing Jesus Christ."

Ugh.....no!

I looked at her and desperately wanted to say yes, but I had no idea what she was talking about. She continued to teach me and pray for me. I went home and continued to chase hard after God in His word. Finally, I realized that I needed to seek God through Jesus Christ. I came to a deep faith in God as I accepted what Jesus did for me on that cross. I accepted the depth of His love and His sacrifice. After all, he offered me a love that I had never received from earthly parents. The Bible taught me that the only way to God is through Jesus Christ and that He alone is THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE!!!! I decided that I wanted to go HIS way, walk in HIS Truth, and have HIS life.

That was the single most important decision I have ever made.

God quickly showed me the need to forgive my parents for the things that happened to me growing up. After all, His son forgave and continues to forgive my daily sins. That forgiveness was the first step in the healing process. God slowly, but steadily pulled me out of the pit and changed my heart from one of despair to one of hope. He renewed my desire for life and gave me a joy that helped me to face everyday instead of wanting to end my life. He turned the bitterness that once radiated from my tongue, into a tongue of peace and healing. Time did not heal my wounds - CHRIST DID!!!!

God has redeemed my life from the pit!!!! I am no longer going to be ashamed of where God brought me out of. What others meant for evil, He meant for good! :)

If you feel that your life is in a pit, I pray that you will turn to Jesus Christ! He, too, wants to redeem your life. Only He can do this for you.

Thank you, Lord, for where I came from. I am so thankful you rescued me and I praise you for the healing you have done in my heart. It is a work that only you can do!

Life in Virginia.......

Things are going amazing here in Richmond as we get adjusted to quad life, school life and hyper-spiritual mode all at one time. We are learning tons everyday. Our minds and hearts are being filled with God's Word every session.

Since time is very limited and creativity takes time, here are some highlights of our time here:

1. We thought most of our classes would be based on theory or principle. Instead, everything that is taught to us is taught directly out of scripture. It has been amazing and challenging to be devouring the word in every class.

2. Last week we were required to have a 3 hour retreat of silence. Yes, 3 hours....As a mom, carving out this kind of time in silence is like impossible. However, they allowed us this time to focus on the Lord and His ways. We all came back together and shared what God had taught us. For both of us, it was a very powerful time of fellowship with Jesus.

3. We are having church in our Quad with 4 other families and our children. Actually, our children get to stay with us which is very nice. There are 8 children in our quad so we experienced fellowship with lots of little ones joining us. What a blessing it was. This "home" church experience (which is very similar to the types of churches we will be planting) is showing us that you don't need a fancy building, people who are great at playing instruments or singing, or even a lot of people to worship the Lord and have a church service. We truly had an intimate hour and half of worship and teaching in our small quad with 8 adults and 8 children. It was definitely a testimony to us that more isn't always "better."

4. Some spiritual issues we are being challenged in are:
Being a servant leader
Spiritual Warfare
Walking in the Flesh
Having Sound Doctrine

Each topic has brought conviction, repentance and renewal in both of our lives.

We are both growing daily in relationship with the Lord and our knowledge of the Holy Scriptures.

Also, the kids are thriving in their classes here and the situation has been without incident.

The only bummer here is that we do miss our friends dearly! Our hearts are glad to be here, but we do wait for the day we can see our loved ones again.

Well, time is limited and I must pick the kids up from their classes. Love and hugs to you all.

Quad life and settling in

WOW!!!!

We are finally here in Richmond, Virginia getting settled into our quad for 8 weeks of intense church-planting and evangelism training. After living at my dad’s for almost a month in 2 small rooms with 6 people and 18 pieces of luggage, this 900 sq. foot quad seems huge. We are so thankful to have our own dressers and to be sharing a bed again.

If you want to send anything to us while we are are our address is:

International Learning Center
John and Jessica Pham
Quad 7C
16492 MLC Lane
Rockville, VA 23146

4073612042


*********

Things we have successfully transitioned through recently:

The sale of our home, saying good-bye to our church friends and family, moving in with my dad, living out of luggage and now starting a temporary life here in Virginia.

The kids are doing wonderful. They are so very happy here. In fact, our Quad has another homeschooling family with 4 kids and she is pregnant with her 5th. They range in age from 13-3 years old and they are all such darlings. It’s so much fun to have them across the hall and they get along with our kids really well – even despite the age differences. This family will be in Costa Rica with us for a year and then they will live 3 hours away from us in Peru so what a blessing we to have to look forward too.

We start our intensive training on Monday and the kids start their training/schooling. Please pray hard, hard, hard as this is the first time they have not been under my care for an extended period of time. I think it will be harder for me than for them. I am wrestling with this daily, but I keep having to give it to the Lord. I take it back and then I give it back to him again. Please pray for this situation if you can. My heart is very tender in regards to this.

God has been extremely gracious to us during this last month. I thought I would be an emotional wreck, but the peace and strength that I have had can only come from God. John and I are still pinching ourselves as we can’t believe we’re really doing this and we’re really here. God has been orchestrating this plan for our lives from the very beginning and now he is enabling to walk this journey in peace, comfort and strength. It is so satisfying.

Letting go of our old life proved challenging for me at times because it was familiar. Things that I didn’t necessarily want to let go of are turning out to be even better here or better during this process. God is giving me more, in certain areas, than I had before. Our life feels very full and abundant.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. We miss you and love you and will write more as soon as the ball gets rolling. - Jess

He is here.

It's been a while since I have had time to put some thoughts down on this blog, but today is a must remember type of day. If I don't put this in words now, by mid-day tomorrow, and definitely a year from now, it will be forgotten in the busyness of life.

You know how there are statements that just don't seem right when you actually say them out loud? Well today we did the final packing of the house, our furniture was crated away, and everything is in one room in 18 pieces of luggage. We move out tomorrow and move into Jessica's fathers house, in the woods, and then off to orientation in Virginia. So tomorrow we will be storing away the kids' bicycles. So I found the following words coming out of my mouth, "Kids go outside and ride your bikes because it will be the last time you will be able to ride them." It just doesn't seem right that a parent has to say that to their children. There should never be an end to bike riding. That's part of childhood. After the kids rode their hearts out, we went around to 4 houses and said goodbye to all of their friends in the neighborhood. One by one ties were cut. Precious ties that were created while riding bikes together, playing in driveways, jumping on our trampoline, and just plain sitting in the driveway talking about what children talk about. At the end Parker, our oldest at 6 years old, broke down. He is having the hardest time of all of the kids. He is the most aware of what he is giving up. But slowly, tears and sorrow became the beginnings of resentment and bitterness. He said, "Dad, it's hard leaving. This is the last day we will be here. I don't want to leave. This is your fault! You decided to move us and now everyone is so sad. Me, Ally, Jaxson and Avery. This is all your fault." Well, I felt about 2 inches tall at that moment. My heart wanted to say, you're right, this is too hard, why are we doing this and let's just stay. But when things calmed down, we both remembered why we are going and who really decided to move us. Please pray that Satan does not get a foothold and stir up a root of bitterness in Parker's heart.

The tears ended and the kids went to bed. Jessica got home from saying her farewells to her running club friends and we finished packing the rest of the luggage. Around 11:00 pm, after coming in from the garage, I found Jessica in our room crying. I assumed it was from the grief of moving, packing or saying goodbye to her running club friends. But, praise God, she sat me down and showed me about 11 emails that we had received this evening from people all around the country saying that they were praying for us. People we didn't even know. People we had never received anything from before. Not just one, not two, but a whole bunch of emails at JUST THE RIGHT TIME. She was crying because God knew what we needed right when we needed it. Not yesterday or tomorrow, but tonight at our lowest time thus far. As I write this around midnight we just received another one from someone in California.

I tend to think sometimes that God is waiting for us for when we arrive in Virginia or Costa Rica or Peru. But the truth is that He is HERE, and He knows what it is like to leave a wonderful home where things are amazing and just right, to do a task the must be done. He knows. He cares. He is here.

John

Missing

We have such a blessed life here in the states and here are some things I will be missing. They are in no particular order and are random thoughts:

St. Cloud Pavement Pounders
Running with Jenn on the lakefront early in the morning
Life Group
Zoey, Heidi K. and Heidi E.
Steph, Amy and Kitty
Helen and Craig Adams
My king sized pillow top mattress with my 500 count sheets
Cool Blue Burrito
Gold's Gym
Free incoming calls on my cell phone
The City pool and swimming lessons
The Library and its fun activities
The lakefront park
Track Shack Races
Dr. John Hartman
Cyberspot (free internet)
My Mom and Dad
Aunt Kim and MeMa
Christmas Breakfast at the Donohoes
Speaking in English :)
Shannon and Steve Rymer
Marathon training with other fellow running addicts
Mom's Group
3degrees - John and Kathryn Evans
Janey Neibor's Wisdom
All of the kindness and help from my friends
St. Cloud
My dad's boat on Lake Toho and the boat party
Awanas
Homeschooling moms
Fellowship in Christ with other believers
My family - oops, did I already say that?

:) Thank God for memories.........

Under Attack

3 days left in our house.....Satan hates us.

He hates the plans that God has for us.

He hates God.

He hates to see God glorified.

He most certainly hates to see people give their lives to Christ.

Please pray for us as we are under MAJOR spiritual attack by the evil one who lurks around waiting to devour us. Don't think for a second that the enemy is going to let us leave or pursue Christ's plans for us unscathed.

Just a glimpse:
We returned from Appointment ceremony in January excited about what God did. Our entire family comes down with a nasty, nasty virus, the night of the appointment ceremony (half of John's family had to miss the service and Parker vomitted all over me at dinner), and upon our return home, Ally contracts a weird virus in her hip (toxic synivitus) that sends us to the ER and knocks her off her feet. The stomache virus did not end until it kept us out of church for 2 weeks so that we could not share what the Lord was teaching us.

The week of our yard sale we were trying to pack and prepare everything to be sold. Two of our children had 104 and 105 temperatures throughout the week. Once again, we were out of church for 3 weeks and could not share what the Lord was teaching us.

A week and a half ago we went to a marriage conference. God did some amazing things in our marriage and we came back so thrilled and excited. Since then....

A vomiting 13 month old (is it a virus or an allergic reaction from immunizations?), a 3 year old with second degree burns on his hand (crying all night) from touching the stove, a husband who hasn't slept much in over 3 weeks b/c of massive allergies - day and night, and I'm recovering from knee surgery with a major pinched nerve in my neck that hurts constantly - especially at night. Oh yes, and we are trying to finish packing, crating, moving and raising 4 little ones simultaneously.


Are these coincidences that every time something MAJOR is happening in our lives sickness seems to prevail? No, of course not!!!!!!!

Satan is very deliberate in his plans.

We are still rejoicing. We are still joyful. We still know that God has the victory! We are not complaining, but just very aware of the REALITY of spiritual warfare.

Satan will NEVER have the victory over Christ!!!!!

Please, please, please pray!

I'm pulling over because you're getting a....

In our desire to be more consistent with the discipline, we have been pulling the car off to the side of the road to address the problems that might occur when there are 4 little ones tucked in a very small space. You know how hard it is to keep your legs in front of you when they obviously fit much better draped over the passenger next to you, don't you?

Well, today we were all in the car sitting at the auto zone while the kids were joyfully listening to Toby Mac and rapping to Hype Man. I got out of the car and I opened the van door. I made sure that my face was glib and stern.

My eyes pierced each one of theirs and I said, "Okay guys...You are all getting...."

They had that "oh no, we're in big trouble" look on their faces.

"You are all getting KISSES and TICKLES because I love you so much and am so thankful for you."

I plopped my fever blister lips on theirs and tickled them like crazy. They wiggled and giggled and squirmed and squealed and kissed me right back - with fever blister and all.

It is moments like these that make parenting so much fun and certainly unforgettable. I'd much rather get out of the car for a kiss than for the other! In fact, I think I need to be more consistent with my tickles and kisses.

I'm so glad I took a moment to make them squirm.....and smile.

3 year olds have feelings, too!

Monday afternoon proved to be another eventful day in our home. As I mentioned in my previous blog, we are living in a fairly empty home right now in prep for our big move overseas. We have sold, given or thrown away most of our children's toys. They are finding themselves very entertained with sticks and rocks and a few lincoln logs; each kid has a favorite something. Avery's favorite toy is a ball that she can put in an empty container. She toddles around the house all afternoon pulling her ball in and out of the bowl. Ally is quite pleased with a purse that is loaded with stickers, pens and paper. Parker has had quite the time balancing balloons on the end of a stick and playing make-believe with his 7 stuffed animals that he has informed me ARE coming to Costa Rica. They all have names and the names are actually the same each time he tells me about them. And then there is Jaxson......his favorite toy has always been our beloved pirate ship sandbox that we have had since Parker was 1. Jaxson has not known life without this sandbox (we will attach a picture in a few days) and has spent full days outside playing in this box of dirt. It has provided him with countless memories and us with some peaceful moments. If you are highly sensitive to the emotional stress of children, you either need to a., get a box of tissues or b., don't read this because it just might break your heart.

After naptime on Monday afternoon, 2 very nice gentleman came by. John and I sold the sandbox a few weeks ago with the understanding that we would keep it until we leave as it is a favorite around here - especially with Jaxson. Well, somehow there was some miscommunication between us and John gave the go ahead for the sandbox to be picked up 3 weeks early. The good news is that Jaxson was taking a nap while the nice men came to confiscate his sandbox.

As I stood on the back patio watching them remove the sand, pack up the toys and prepare to move the box to the truck, I started to cry. Once again, I'm crying over the memories of that precious box and watching my children grow up in it. I was not crying over the box itself. I was having a hard time watching that piece of their childhood, the last remaining piece we had left, be snatched away. I usually need time to process stuff like this and, unfortunately, it all happened so quickly that I was kind of blind-sided.

So I walked to the front and watched as the last bit was loaded into the truck. All was well as I knew I'd get over my sadness when I all of a sudden I hear whaling coming from the garage. It's not uncommon for Jaxson to wake up crying or screaming so I went over to ask him what was wrong, not even thinking for a second about the sandbox.

"Don't take my sandbox!"

"That's my sandbox. I play in there all the time," he shrilled between sobs.

"Grammy got me that sand for my birthday. You can't take my sandbox!!!"

Now imagine the cutest 3 year old you've ever seen standing there in the middle of the driveway with his blanket in his hands, fresh from a nap, tears streaming down his face, pleading for his sandbox. I scooped him up in my arms and he continued to weep tears of devastation.

In his little mind, this was like death...death of a friend he has had his entire life. Why would God allow this?

His grief was a subtle, or maybe not so subtle, reminder to us that even little tots have hearts and feelings and they experience the greatest of joys and the saddest of heartbreaks - just like we do. He must have felt like I felt the night I couldn't catch my breath over my beloved ball (see my previous blog - My ball).

The next few days he was silent about the loss of his sand box. He didn't mention it again after he recovered from his meltdown.

Tonight we were at church and we saw the sweet gentleman who purchased the pirate ship.

When Jaxson's eyes met his, the first words out of his mouth were, "You took my sandbox and I want it back. Give me back my sandbox!"

My mouth certainly fell to the ground as I thought he had forgotten about his devastation - one never forgets.

In the midst of this three year old's whirlwind of grief and anger, he is well aware that God is doing great things in our hearts and in our lives. We are able, as parents, to cope with these seemingly heartbreaking moments because we know that our Lord has a plan and a hope for our lives, and for the lives we will minister to in Peru, that will blow our minds. These things seem so major momentarily, but we have to let go of this life so that we can fully store up treasure in Heaven. And we know that God created Jaxson and is daily mending his heart, wiping his tears and protecting him with a heavenly love that far exceeds anything we can offer him. We might have given him the sandbox, but God has given him His son and THAT is what will sustain him during this time of transition and for the rest of his precious little life.

Stuff

Packing your house up to move is never fun. It wasn't fun for us, either, last week as we packed up all of our belongings to help prepare for our awaiting adventures overseas. Our situation was a little bit unique in that instead of unpacking in a bigger, better, nicer, upgraded home with a pool....like most Americans do when they move, we simply moved our boxes out one by one to the front driveway and unloaded them in the yard. We were only 20 minutes into decorating our front lawn with all of our belongings when passerbys starting inquiring about all of the good stuff they were seeing. We spent the whole morning unloading and pricing our items, only to sell virtually 90% of all of our earthly possessions in less than 3 days for pennies on the dollar.

During this emotional time, we battled garage sale vultures (people who want everything for a dime - even if it is worth $300), rain, rain and more rain, and children with 104-105 fevers. Oh yeh, and did I mention my tears?

I felt really bad for this one lady who purchased several "sentimental" items from me. Each time she came to pay for what she had chosen to buy, tears would start streaming down my face. It is not the stuff I will miss, but the memories behind the stuff. Letting go of my past to pursue an unfamiliar future is, at certain moments, overwhelming for me. I so badly want to cling to all of the good moments I had with my family and my stuff. When my heart feels burdened with grief at having to "let go" I have to run to the Lord for strength and a reminder that we are doing this because we love Him and we desire to obey Him in all areas of our lives.

John and I have been talking lately about how we now own so little, but how our level of happiness and joy has increased. God is allowing us to "throw of" all that entangles and ensnares us. This is a testimony to us that temporary stuff that can be easily discarded or burned is not what truly make us happy or gives us a so called "quality of life." As long as we have our family, the promises that God has given to us for the amazing plans He has for our lives and our precious Lord, then we know that we have all that we will ever need and it's certainly not stuff that you can purchase ! Jess

just normal folks like you

With all of the constant preparation for moving our family overseas, we have heard a lot of talk lately about us being "special," "amazing," "brave," "extraordinary!" The list of wonderful adjectives we have been called, at least to our faces, has been super-flattering and enough to make our head's swell. Unfortunately, the sad reality....and this is a secret just between you and me, is that John and I (and I'm especially talking about myself when I write this) are just your normal, everyday, run-of-the mill, dirty, rotten sinners. Yep! You now know the truth. We are just your average folks who daily struggle in thought, deed, and/or actions. We get frustrated with each other, with our kids; we get stressed out; we question God; we are sometimes lazy; we can over eat, overspend, over talk, over analyze, neglect the word of God or even be prayer less. We, in our minds, are extremely under qualified to do the task that is set before us.

Just this past week (BUT NEVER BEFORE :) ), we had major behavior issues with our kids; nope, their not perfect either. We were sitting in church when one of our children came back from the bathroom with urine on their clothes (no biggie if they would've told the truth), then they lie to us about it and continue to have a bad attitude towards us over their bad choice. I'm saying "they" as to keep the anonymity of this precious lil' one. Anyway, all of this is in church! It's so hard to worship when your sitting next to a urine covered, sour-hearted, liar. But it's even harder to worship when I'm the one who needs some deep cleansing from the inside out. This cleansing comes from Christ alone.

I am no more special than any other person who has trusted Christ for the redemption of their sins. But the hope that I DO have comes from what Christ did for me on that cross. This hope enables me to sell everything I own, leave my family, friends, culture, language and life. This hope is my pathway to God as well as my future. I am reminded that when God looks at me, He doesn't see me, He sees Christ. He sees all the Glory of Heaven when His eyes gaze upon me. I recently found out (thanks, Joseph) that this is called imputed righteousness. I will never forget these words. Instead of seeing the truth of my condition, He sees all of the perfection of Christ. How awesome!

I am not able to do what God has called us to do. I am not prepared to do what God has called us to do. I am not equipped to do what God has called us to, but Christ is! We won't be doing any of this without Him. I can rest, because I know that if God can offer forgiveness through Christ, and I can receive it, then He is able to do anything in my life - even the impossible like planting churches in a foreign land where there seems to be no hope.

The truth is that we aren't extraordinary or amazing or special (my parents might not agree) and our kids are far from perfect. But our GOD IS perfect!! He is all of the things that we are not. If there is anything good in me, it is definitely God!

I write this to encourage you to dispel the myth of "perfection" about missionaries or pastors or anyone else in ministry. We are just sinners who have said "yes" to God (thanks John Evans). If there is anything attractive about us or our lives, it is the work of Him who has called us.

If God is calling you to serve him, despite your sin, will you obey? Will you heed is call? After all, the Bible is filled with amazing, extraordinary, special, and "called" heroes that were normal folks just like you and me.