Why can't I?

As Christians we are called to be "peacemakers." This might sound like an easy charge, but honestly it is one of the hardest for me. When someone steps on my toes or attacks me, my natural response is to pounce like a tiger and destroy using my tongue. And as we all know, the Bible says that just a spark from the tongue can start a huge wildfire; which is why we are also called to control our tongue and not lash out like the so called "fool." But there have been moments in my life this week when I have wanted to just be the fool. I have wanted to forget peace and pursue my own personal justice and let the other party know exactly how they can step off. But God's word is right beside me, nudging me, prompting me, begging me to make a choice that is truly different; a choice that is not natural to my flesh; a choice that most of the world doesn't make. And that choice is to set my so called "rights" aside and pursue brotherly love, pursue kindness, give a gentle response, and to turn the other cheek. I asked my hubby yesterday why other Christians get to "speak" their minds, put other people in their place and tell me what they think of me in a less than gentle way out of a so called "concern" but yet my response has to be pretty much nothing in order to not sin and damage my witness? Why can't I just lash back and say what I am really thinking and observing? Why can't I just step up to the plate and swing really hard; you know, hit a home run with my words? I can't because I am a follower of Christ. I bear the name Christian and to follow Christ means to go a different way. But I still ask my self why other so called "followers" can do and say the things I really want to do, but yet I can't and I don't. Do you get what I'm saying? Sometimes that is the hardest struggle for me. I want to justify and defend myself. But then I think of the ONE (Jesus) who was beaten, accused, killed and yet he answered in peace and wisdom or He was silent. He didn't respond AT ALL, the way that I want to respond. The verse that has come up in my mind these past few days is the verse from Hebrews that says, "Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." And as I meditate on this verse, I think of how many of those "sinful" men really believed they were doing the right thing as they mercilessly beat our Savior to death. I have a Savior who I can look to that understands, set the example and through His example I should not grow eary and lose heart. But I confess....I am tired, beat-up and really angry inside. My outside has been that of a peace-maker, but my heart is anything but peaceful. I share all this to say that making the right choice is not always the easy choice. I know God is going to calm the storm inside of my heart and mind and I truly hope that in some small way He is honored by the fact that I am not retaliating like my flesh so badly wants to.