Getting married - and I'm not going!

My cousin, Brian and Miranda, and the kids!

Here's Brian - Solo -smile!!!

If you've know me for longer than a few days, then you know that my cousin's Brian and Christopher are a very, very special part of my heart. Calling them cousins doesn't do justice, because of the closeness and bond that we share. They are more like brothers. I was ten and eleven when they were born. I have watched them grow from toddlers to men of God in 21 years. In fact, I even helped drop both of them off at college on their first days of school a few years ago. Brian at the University of Florida, of course, and Christopher in Ithaca, New York at Cornell. I felt honored to be able to share in such important moments of their lives. We threw a congratulationatory party for Brian when he was was accepted to UF. And with Christopher, initially, I was the ONLY person who believed that God would make a way for Him to go to Cornell and I encouraged him to pursue his dreams no matter what the nay-sayers in St. Cloud may say.

I have been around for cross-country meets, diving championships, baseball games, proms, scholarship banquets, graduations, bible-studies, hard days, good days and pretty much ANY event that was important to them. John and I have been "mini" parent to these boys. It has been a beautiful journey as my husband and I were able to help guide them, nurture them and disciple them in Christ. Saying good-bye to them was especially difficult. When I was hugging Brian's neck, the last thing he said to me was, "You'll be able to come home for my wedding, right?"

Of course, Brian, of course! I wouldn't miss it for the world. Hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunami's couldn't keep me away from that special day. The day he gives his heart to the woman God created for him. I am just weeping as I type this because we have journeyed with Brian for many years in his pursuit of finding the woman God would have to be his help-meet! And now he has found her.

Last night, my cousin Brian asked his friend Miranda, a beautiful, beautiful woman who loves Jesus with all of her heart, to be his wife. He proposed in front of his entire Chai-Alpha Christian group at school. My aunt called me this morning to tell me all of the details. I wept for joy as she recalled how he professed his love for her in front of 150 people. They have such a pure relationship and the purity showed through last night as he confessed, "I just love you. I just love you so much. I know you are the woman God has for me. Will you marry me?" He was on his knee, of course.

Well, that leads me to my point. They are getting married in June! Okay, can you hear the sobbing and waling on my end? If you know anything about the IMB then you know why I am so heart-broken today. It is not, in fact, hurricanes, tsunamis or earthquakes that will be keeping me away. There is a rule that says I am not permitted to leave Costa Rica the entire year we are here - no exceptions unless an immediate family member is dying or dies. No weddings! Nothing! I totally understand this rule, but I am so sad and this feels like the first real sacrifice. I can't even think about them exchanging vows while I am just sitting here thousands of miles away waiting for a phone call to say it is official. We have talked about this big day for years and it will soon be here and I will not be there. I am having a hard time accepting this. Why? Why can't I go? How can you be involved in someones life for 21 years and miss one of the top 5 days in their life?

I don't really know why I am blogging except to say that I had thought this transition was pretty smooth and easy. The heart ache wasn't very intense, but today the intensity and sadness and hurt and little bit of anger are so real! So strong! I'd rather never run again than miss my cousin's wedding. UGH!!! I know this is part of the journey. A very real part and this is where my beloved comes and scoops me into His arms reminding me that I am His and he is mine and that He will take away the heartache and pain. I believe he will! But for today, I know it is okay to be sad.

I am super excited for my cousin and his lovely. They are precious children of God and I know that the Lord has amazing plans for them and I don't "need" to be there to witness the beginning of it. I just wish I could be.